Scripture: (Job 14:12-15 NKJV) So man lies down and does not rise. Till the heavens are no more, They will not awake Nor be roused from their sleep. {13} "Oh, that You would hide me in the grave, That You would conceal me until Your wrath is past, That You would appoint me a set time, and remember me! {14} If a man dies, shall he live again? All the days of my hard service I will wait, Till my change comes. {15} You shall call, and I will answer You; You shall desire the work of Your hands.
Observation: It is now time for Zophar, the third of Job’s consolation friends, to try to straighten him up. Job responds to his accusations by declaring that he feels there’s nothing he could do to fight God, if God were angry with Him. In chapter 13, verses 20-27 we can read his stirring, heart-felt prayer to God, opening his heart to Him. And then in chapter 14, he expounds as to his understanding of what happens when a person dies; here are a few examples of his theology of the state of the dead:
10 But man dies and is laid away; Indeed he breathes his last And where is he?
11 As water disappears from the sea, And a river becomes parched and dries up,
12 So man lies down and does not rise. Till the heavens are no more, They will not awake Nor be roused from their sleep.
21 His sons come to honor, and he does not know it; They are brought low, and he does not perceive it.
He also expresses His hope in God and for the salvation He offers us all: My transgression is sealed up in a bag, And You cover my iniquity.(v.17)
Application: It’s amazing how well-intentioned, yet heartless, Job’s friends are. They see their friend suffering through all of his losses, and yet instead of helping him through these tragedies, they assume the judgmental stand that wants to set people right and they set out to prove to Job that all he’s experiencing is the result of his own sin, and he would only repent, God might just forgive him. Their accusations do not bring any consolation to Job. In the same way, well-intentioned friends and relatives feel compelled to say something to their loved ones or friends who are terminally ill or who have lost a loved one, and at times use old cliches or explanations that do nothing to alleviate the pain. The result may be more pain, more confusion, or if they are fortunate enough, they may not even remember what has been said. When you think of it, no explanation, no matter how good or theologically correct it may be, can take away a person’s pain. What good is it to say to a mother who’s lost their child in a tragic accident, “God has a plan for you”? Or how does it help someone dying of a terminal illness, “I know how you feel”? Or how can it possibly help your widowed friend to hear the words, “One day you may find somebody else who’ll make you happy again”?
Several years ago I wrote an article which was published by the Adventist Review giving practical steps to take to help a friend or loved one who is dying of a terminal illness. Here are the suggestions I offered:
1. The ministry of presence. Most people feel uncomfortable, maybe even afraid, to talk about death and dying. Therefore, when they hear that a friend, loved one, coworker, or schoolmate has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, they stay away. In reality, what you say is not what matters to the terminally ill person or their family, but rather the fact that you cared enough to come be with them. However, respect their privacy and always call beforehand. If they are in a hospital, you must not only respect visiting hours but also be conscious of the fact that those visiting hours may be the only time the family gets to spend with their loved ones. Make your visits brief.
2. Listen. More important than what you say is how much you listen. While most people's greatest fear is not knowing what to say, if you go prepared to listen and let the terminally ill lead in the conversation, you might find that death is not all that's on their mind. They just want someone to talk to.
3. Empathize, don't proselytize. If the person who is dying does not share your beliefs, this is not the time to try to convert them to your belief system; to do so may cause more anxiety than assurance. For instance, several of my patients talked about going to heaven after their death. Rather than lecturing on the state of the dead, I would say something like "As Christians we have a special hope, don't we?" or "That's a comforting thought, isn't it?"
4. Offer practical help. Many people take the easy way out at the end of a visit with the standard offer "If there's anything I can do, just let me know." The reality is that during these difficult times the challenge for the patient includes thinking about what needs to be done or asking someone to do it. It would be better to offer to do specific things for them--mow the lawn, wash clothes, or run errands such as grocery shopping. Sometimes an offer to stay with the person who is ill to relieve the caregiver for a few hours can be the welcome help they need.
5. Watch for special events. People who are terminally ill seem to have control over when, where, and how they die. One of my patients waited until the day after his daughter's birthday, and the night he died he was so restless that his wife decided to sleep in the living room. When she woke up the next morning, he was dead. He had chosen not to die before or on his daughter's birthday, and he didn't want his wife to see him die. Others wait for loved ones' or their own birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, baptisms, weddings, and other special occasions. Be aware of this fact as it may help you get an idea of when they might die.
6. Fear of dying or of death. One of my patients told me he was afraid. I asked him if he was afraid of death or of dying. He said, "I'm not afraid of death; I just don't want to die in pain." Most people are afraid of the dying process, and not of death itself. In his case I assured him that we in hospice would do all in our power to keep him comfortable and without pain or discomfort. That assurance helped him relax and enjoy the last few days of his life. If the person you're visiting expresses such fears, clarify what the source of their fear is, and if they are uncomfortable or unable to answer, ask someone else who may be better able to answer.
7. Help them to die in peace. In hospice we have learned that those patients who struggle the most in their dying process seem to be the ones who have strained relationships with someone. It may help them to ask, "Is there someone you would like to see or talk to?" Offer to contact the person they'd like to speak with. If the other person is not willing to speak with the terminally ill patient, you can facilitate the expression of their feelings by offering options such as, "If you could talk to them, what would you tell them?" You may offer to help them write a letter that they can then choose to mail or burn, thus symbolizing their having taken the step of reconciliation. Many patients wait to die until after they see someone they care about, so you could offer to help make the contact.
Another way to help them die in peace is to pray for and with them. The medical field has come to recognize the benefits of praying for those who are ill. We need not feel the obligation to pray for healing; it does not reveal a lack of faith, but recognition of the inevitable. When I pray with and for members or patients who are terminally ill, I pray for comfort and peace, courage and strength, hope and renewal of love for themselves and for their loved ones.
Instruments of Peace
Dying can be a difficult and painful experience, or a special memory for their loved ones. You can be instrumental in making it as comfortable and comforting as possible by carefully doing for them what they need as they write the last chapter in their earthly life.
Prayer: Father, help us to be such instruments in Your hands that we may bring Your comfort, not so much by what we say but rather by what we do to help those experiencing illness, sadness, or pain.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Talk Grief Away - June 5, 2009
Scripture: (Job 10:1 NKJV) "My soul loathes my life; I will give free course to my complaint, I will speak in the bitterness of my soul.
Observation: Bildad, the Shuhite, one of Job’s friends who came to be with him in his sorrow, attempted to “correct” Job and to show him where he was wrong. Job responds from the depths of his pain.
Application: In talking about “The Inner World of Grief,” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross encourages those in bereavement to talk about their grief and to talk about their loss and their loved one who is no longer with them. I will quote her words: THE STORY
When your loved one became sick, there were medical visits, case histories, and physical tests. Then they found the lump and your world immediately began to change. (62)
Now you sit alone remembering the story of your loss. You may find yourself retelling the story to friends and family. Immediately following the loss, everyone wants to know how it happened. You tell your tale through your sadness and tears. You talk about it after the funeral. When friends come to visit, you discuss the parts of the story you continue to grapple with, like “I didn’t see it coming,” or “They told us she was sick, but none of us realized just how sick she was.” (62)
As time passes, however, you may see others grow weary of hearing the story, although you are not yet tired of telling it. You may not consciously notice this, but when you encounter people who haven’t heard it you are grateful to have their ear. (62)
Telling the story is part of the healing of a traumatic event, no different from the trauma of large-scale disaster. (62)
While you try to comprehend and make sense of something incomprehensible and your heart feels the pain of loss, your mind lags behind, trying to integrate something new into your psyche. It is something that moved too fast for your mind to understand. The pain is in your heart, while your mind lingers in the facts of the story, reenacting and recalling the scene of the crime against your heart. Your heart and mind are joined in one state, pain remembering pain. (63)
Telling the story helps to dissipate the pain. Telling your story often and in detail is primal to the grieving process. You must get it out. Grief must be witnessed to be healed. Grief shared is grief abated. Support and bereavement groups are important, not only because they allow you to be with others who have experienced loss, but because they provide another forum for talking about the devastating events that befell your world. Tell your tale, because it reinforces that your loss mattered. (63)
You will find the story changing over time; not necessarily what happened, but what part you focus on. Telling the story may also offer the opportunity for important feedback or information, as the listener may have missing pieces of the puzzle or insight you previously lack. (63)
The stories we tell give meaning to the fact that our loved one died, which is why, in American Indian cultures, stories are given the highest priority. In fact, the function of the elderly is to tell the stories of the lives and deaths of the ancestors, the stories that keep their history alive. (64)
Our stories contain an enormous amount of pain, sometimes too much for one person to handle. In sharing our story, we dissipate the pain little by little, giving a small drop to those we meet to disperse it along the way. (65)
Sometimes a loss is so great, you need a larger platform. Sometimes people create videos, write stories about books. (65)
Some speak about their losses to groups. (66)
When someone is telling you their story over and over, they are trying to figure something out. There has to be a missing piece or they too would be bored. Rather than rolling your eyes and saying “there she goes again,” ask questions about parts that don’t connect. Be the witness and even the guide. Look for what they want to know. (66)
When I worked or volunteered as a Hospice Chaplain, and later as a Grief and Bereavement Counselor, I reminded my families or clients what I once heard, that Pain Shared Is Pain Divided. When we talk about our loss, our pain, our loved ones, we are sharing the load with others who are stronger than we are at that point and who, hopefully, by listening can help us carry that heavy load until we are able to stand again on our own.
I have been asked often by people who want to help their friends or loved ones who are terminally ill or who have experienced a loss (a relative, their job, their house, etc.) what they should say to them. They’re afraid to go visit their friend or loved one because, “I just don’t know what to say.” What I always tell them is, “The best thing you can do for them is not what you say but that you are willing to just listen.”
Bildad, Job’s friend, got many things wrong, both about Job and about God. But the one thing he did get right were his words: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, And your lips with rejoicing” (Job 8:21 NKJV). There will be a time when your friends or loved ones are ready to listen to words of encouragement and hope, and they will appreciate you reminding them that death is not forever, that grief and pain are not forever, but that one day death, pain, and suffering will come to a permanent end.
Prayer: Father, thank You that while we experience pain in this life, it too will come to an end when Jesus comes. May He return soon so we can enjoy the peace and the happiness You intended from the beginning.
Observation: Bildad, the Shuhite, one of Job’s friends who came to be with him in his sorrow, attempted to “correct” Job and to show him where he was wrong. Job responds from the depths of his pain.
Application: In talking about “The Inner World of Grief,” Elizabeth Kubler-Ross encourages those in bereavement to talk about their grief and to talk about their loss and their loved one who is no longer with them. I will quote her words: THE STORY
When your loved one became sick, there were medical visits, case histories, and physical tests. Then they found the lump and your world immediately began to change. (62)
Now you sit alone remembering the story of your loss. You may find yourself retelling the story to friends and family. Immediately following the loss, everyone wants to know how it happened. You tell your tale through your sadness and tears. You talk about it after the funeral. When friends come to visit, you discuss the parts of the story you continue to grapple with, like “I didn’t see it coming,” or “They told us she was sick, but none of us realized just how sick she was.” (62)
As time passes, however, you may see others grow weary of hearing the story, although you are not yet tired of telling it. You may not consciously notice this, but when you encounter people who haven’t heard it you are grateful to have their ear. (62)
Telling the story is part of the healing of a traumatic event, no different from the trauma of large-scale disaster. (62)
While you try to comprehend and make sense of something incomprehensible and your heart feels the pain of loss, your mind lags behind, trying to integrate something new into your psyche. It is something that moved too fast for your mind to understand. The pain is in your heart, while your mind lingers in the facts of the story, reenacting and recalling the scene of the crime against your heart. Your heart and mind are joined in one state, pain remembering pain. (63)
Telling the story helps to dissipate the pain. Telling your story often and in detail is primal to the grieving process. You must get it out. Grief must be witnessed to be healed. Grief shared is grief abated. Support and bereavement groups are important, not only because they allow you to be with others who have experienced loss, but because they provide another forum for talking about the devastating events that befell your world. Tell your tale, because it reinforces that your loss mattered. (63)
You will find the story changing over time; not necessarily what happened, but what part you focus on. Telling the story may also offer the opportunity for important feedback or information, as the listener may have missing pieces of the puzzle or insight you previously lack. (63)
The stories we tell give meaning to the fact that our loved one died, which is why, in American Indian cultures, stories are given the highest priority. In fact, the function of the elderly is to tell the stories of the lives and deaths of the ancestors, the stories that keep their history alive. (64)
Our stories contain an enormous amount of pain, sometimes too much for one person to handle. In sharing our story, we dissipate the pain little by little, giving a small drop to those we meet to disperse it along the way. (65)
Sometimes a loss is so great, you need a larger platform. Sometimes people create videos, write stories about books. (65)
Some speak about their losses to groups. (66)
When someone is telling you their story over and over, they are trying to figure something out. There has to be a missing piece or they too would be bored. Rather than rolling your eyes and saying “there she goes again,” ask questions about parts that don’t connect. Be the witness and even the guide. Look for what they want to know. (66)
When I worked or volunteered as a Hospice Chaplain, and later as a Grief and Bereavement Counselor, I reminded my families or clients what I once heard, that Pain Shared Is Pain Divided. When we talk about our loss, our pain, our loved ones, we are sharing the load with others who are stronger than we are at that point and who, hopefully, by listening can help us carry that heavy load until we are able to stand again on our own.
I have been asked often by people who want to help their friends or loved ones who are terminally ill or who have experienced a loss (a relative, their job, their house, etc.) what they should say to them. They’re afraid to go visit their friend or loved one because, “I just don’t know what to say.” What I always tell them is, “The best thing you can do for them is not what you say but that you are willing to just listen.”
Bildad, Job’s friend, got many things wrong, both about Job and about God. But the one thing he did get right were his words: “He will yet fill your mouth with laughing, And your lips with rejoicing” (Job 8:21 NKJV). There will be a time when your friends or loved ones are ready to listen to words of encouragement and hope, and they will appreciate you reminding them that death is not forever, that grief and pain are not forever, but that one day death, pain, and suffering will come to a permanent end.
Prayer: Father, thank You that while we experience pain in this life, it too will come to an end when Jesus comes. May He return soon so we can enjoy the peace and the happiness You intended from the beginning.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Cry Grief Away - June 4, 2009
Scripture: (Job 7:11 NKJV) "Therefore I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit; I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.
Observation: Job’s friends came to visit him and or seven days said nothing but simply sat there with him – that’s what we call the ministry of presence. But Job’s pain was so heavy that he grieved out loud. His friends, one at a time, began to try to console him while at the same time trying to convince him of his own wrongdoing which resulted in his own problems. Job then responds with his own defense and talks more about his own pain.
Application: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who wrote the classic book “On Death and Dying,” followed it up with another classic, “On Grief and Grieving,” in which she speaks of, among other things, “The Inner World Of Grief.” Among other things she writes:
Everyone experiences many loses throughout life, but the death of a loved one is unmatched for its emptiness and profound sadness. Your world stops. You know the exact time your loved one died – or the exact moment you were told. It is marked in your mind. Your world takes on a slowness, a surrealness. It seems strange that the clocks in the world continue when your inner clock does not. (29)
No one can give you words to make you feel better; there are none. (29)
Your loss and the grief that accompanies it are very personal, different from anyone else’s. Others may share the experience of their losses. They may try to console you in the only way they know. But your loss stands in its meaning to you, in its painful uniqueness. (29)
We all play roles in our lives: spouse, parent, child, family member, friend. You know your loved one in a way that no one else ever did or ever will. One person’s dying touches many people in many different ways; everyone feels that loss of individually. Your task in your own mourning and grieving is to fully recognize your own loss, to see it as only you can. In paying the respect and taking the time it deserves, you bring integrity to the deep loss that is yours. (30-31)
She lists some of the experiences that form part of the task of grieving. I’d like to mention and quote her in one of them: TEARS
Tears are one of the many ways we release our sadness, one of our many wondrous built-in healing mechanisms. Unfortunately, too often we try to stop this necessary and primal release of our emotions.(42)
People. . . avoid crying for fear that they might cry forever. But of course you will stop crying, even if you don’t believe you will. The worst thing you can do is to stop short of really letting it out. Uncried tears have a way of filling the well of sadness even more deeply. If you have a half hour of crying to do, don’t stop at twenty minutes. Let yourself cry it all out. It will stop on its own. If you cry till your last tear, you will feel released. (43)
We live in a society that view tears as a weakness and a face of stone as strength. Whether you cry or not may have more to do with how you were raised than with the nature of your loss. Some of us were raised with permission to cry and others were not. For some, crying privately may be okay and crying publicly is unacceptable. Whatever you were taught, the loss of a loved one can tip the scales and bring up the tears you never thought you could cry. (44)
At times, you may start to cry as if for no reason at all. It may seem it just comes out of the blue, because you are not even consciously thinking about your loss. Unexpected tears remind you that the loss is always there. People often find they are reminded unexpectedly of a loved one and start crying in a situation they were not prepared to handle. (45)
Marion knew the importance of taking the pain inside and releasing it outside. Then she was done when her sadness was fully expressed. Unexpressed tears do not go away; their sadness resides in our bodies and souls. Tears can often be seen as dramatic, too emotional, or a sign of weakness. But in truth, they are an outward expression of inner pain. (45)
Others have their own reactions to seeing someone crying. For those around the person crying, people may feel grateful the person is able to cry. Or they may feel uncomfortable, thinking, “If they cry, I might.” Or “If Cindy, who never cries at anything, is crying, things must be really bad.” (45)
Our perception about crying is public is cultural. In some places, not crying is a sign of dignity, whereas in other cultures, not crying for the deceased is considered a sign of dishonor. (46)
Tears are a symbol of life, a part of who we are and what we feel. They live in us and through us. They represent us and reside in our pain. This symbol and representation of sadness can appear anytime. Since it is so tied to life itself, we are often surprised when laughter breaks spontaneously through tears. (46)
The humanity we witness often causes us to laugh at ourselves, but never mistake laughing through tears as a reason to feel guilty. It is the life we have, mixed with the sadness we feel. It is a fail-safe mechanism we have for managing the pain. (46)
“Everyone has to grab their own tissues.” – when someone hands them a box of tissues – while this may be an act of comfort, it often sends the message “hurry and stop crying.” Also, if we go into the role of caretaker, we avoid our own emotions. (46)
The truth is that tears are a symbol of life and can be trusted. (46)
Acceptance of death is part of the work that must be done if we are to grieve fully. If crying is part of our outer culture or inner sadness and we have tears to cry, then we should use this wonderful gift of healing without hesitation. (47)
Long periods of denial are worse than crying. Crying is much better, but you have to cry your own tears because no one can do it for you. If you see someone else crying and you cry, it is triggering some sadness you feel inside. Sometimes you’d rather cry for any situation but your own, but regardless of your preferences, you are always crying for yourself. (47)
Tears are a way to process through our grief and a healing balm to our hurting soul. In our culture, people try to refrain from crying or medicate themselves to prevent them from crying. This will cause them more pain later and more emotional difficulties.
Prayer: Father, thank you for the gift of tears which help us to process our own grief. Please bring the healing our souls need when the pain that death brings comes to our life.
Observation: Job’s friends came to visit him and or seven days said nothing but simply sat there with him – that’s what we call the ministry of presence. But Job’s pain was so heavy that he grieved out loud. His friends, one at a time, began to try to console him while at the same time trying to convince him of his own wrongdoing which resulted in his own problems. Job then responds with his own defense and talks more about his own pain.
Application: Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who wrote the classic book “On Death and Dying,” followed it up with another classic, “On Grief and Grieving,” in which she speaks of, among other things, “The Inner World Of Grief.” Among other things she writes:
Everyone experiences many loses throughout life, but the death of a loved one is unmatched for its emptiness and profound sadness. Your world stops. You know the exact time your loved one died – or the exact moment you were told. It is marked in your mind. Your world takes on a slowness, a surrealness. It seems strange that the clocks in the world continue when your inner clock does not. (29)
No one can give you words to make you feel better; there are none. (29)
Your loss and the grief that accompanies it are very personal, different from anyone else’s. Others may share the experience of their losses. They may try to console you in the only way they know. But your loss stands in its meaning to you, in its painful uniqueness. (29)
We all play roles in our lives: spouse, parent, child, family member, friend. You know your loved one in a way that no one else ever did or ever will. One person’s dying touches many people in many different ways; everyone feels that loss of individually. Your task in your own mourning and grieving is to fully recognize your own loss, to see it as only you can. In paying the respect and taking the time it deserves, you bring integrity to the deep loss that is yours. (30-31)
She lists some of the experiences that form part of the task of grieving. I’d like to mention and quote her in one of them: TEARS
Tears are one of the many ways we release our sadness, one of our many wondrous built-in healing mechanisms. Unfortunately, too often we try to stop this necessary and primal release of our emotions.(42)
People. . . avoid crying for fear that they might cry forever. But of course you will stop crying, even if you don’t believe you will. The worst thing you can do is to stop short of really letting it out. Uncried tears have a way of filling the well of sadness even more deeply. If you have a half hour of crying to do, don’t stop at twenty minutes. Let yourself cry it all out. It will stop on its own. If you cry till your last tear, you will feel released. (43)
We live in a society that view tears as a weakness and a face of stone as strength. Whether you cry or not may have more to do with how you were raised than with the nature of your loss. Some of us were raised with permission to cry and others were not. For some, crying privately may be okay and crying publicly is unacceptable. Whatever you were taught, the loss of a loved one can tip the scales and bring up the tears you never thought you could cry. (44)
At times, you may start to cry as if for no reason at all. It may seem it just comes out of the blue, because you are not even consciously thinking about your loss. Unexpected tears remind you that the loss is always there. People often find they are reminded unexpectedly of a loved one and start crying in a situation they were not prepared to handle. (45)
Marion knew the importance of taking the pain inside and releasing it outside. Then she was done when her sadness was fully expressed. Unexpressed tears do not go away; their sadness resides in our bodies and souls. Tears can often be seen as dramatic, too emotional, or a sign of weakness. But in truth, they are an outward expression of inner pain. (45)
Others have their own reactions to seeing someone crying. For those around the person crying, people may feel grateful the person is able to cry. Or they may feel uncomfortable, thinking, “If they cry, I might.” Or “If Cindy, who never cries at anything, is crying, things must be really bad.” (45)
Our perception about crying is public is cultural. In some places, not crying is a sign of dignity, whereas in other cultures, not crying for the deceased is considered a sign of dishonor. (46)
Tears are a symbol of life, a part of who we are and what we feel. They live in us and through us. They represent us and reside in our pain. This symbol and representation of sadness can appear anytime. Since it is so tied to life itself, we are often surprised when laughter breaks spontaneously through tears. (46)
The humanity we witness often causes us to laugh at ourselves, but never mistake laughing through tears as a reason to feel guilty. It is the life we have, mixed with the sadness we feel. It is a fail-safe mechanism we have for managing the pain. (46)
“Everyone has to grab their own tissues.” – when someone hands them a box of tissues – while this may be an act of comfort, it often sends the message “hurry and stop crying.” Also, if we go into the role of caretaker, we avoid our own emotions. (46)
The truth is that tears are a symbol of life and can be trusted. (46)
Acceptance of death is part of the work that must be done if we are to grieve fully. If crying is part of our outer culture or inner sadness and we have tears to cry, then we should use this wonderful gift of healing without hesitation. (47)
Long periods of denial are worse than crying. Crying is much better, but you have to cry your own tears because no one can do it for you. If you see someone else crying and you cry, it is triggering some sadness you feel inside. Sometimes you’d rather cry for any situation but your own, but regardless of your preferences, you are always crying for yourself. (47)
Tears are a way to process through our grief and a healing balm to our hurting soul. In our culture, people try to refrain from crying or medicate themselves to prevent them from crying. This will cause them more pain later and more emotional difficulties.
Prayer: Father, thank you for the gift of tears which help us to process our own grief. Please bring the healing our souls need when the pain that death brings comes to our life.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Come Mourn with Me - June 3, 2009
Scripture: (Job 2:11,13 NKJV) Now when Job's three friends heard of all this adversity that had come upon him, each one came from his own place; Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. For they had made an appointment together to come and mourn with him, and to comfort him. . . 13So they sat down with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw that his grief was very great.
Observation: Job had lost everything he owned, but his worst tragedy was the loss of all his children. When he became physically ill, his wife had had enough and told him to “curse God and die.” But then we read that his friends came to be with him and to comfort him, and they sat with him for seven days straight, without saying a word, just being there.
Application: One of the most tragic results from the death of a child is the demise of the marriage. Many couples simply can’t handle their pain and end up drifting apart and eventually separating and divorcing. It is very difficult to offer support and encouragement to your spouse when your own heart is breaking. At the same time, nothing can bring a couple together like experiencing a loss and growing together out of it. My wife and I have gone through the loss of my mother and both her parents, and several other family members. Those times, as difficult as they have been, have strengthened our relationship and are part of our history that keeps us together.
But there are times when we need help from outside too, and the tragic death of a loved one is a perfect time to offer or receive the comfort and encouragement of a dear, close friend. One of the questions many people have in their minds when visiting someone who’s lost a loved one is, what should I say? Job’s friends teach is a very important lesson: when visiting a grieving friend it is more important to just be there and listen than what you say. After all, what can you possibly say that would take their pain away, or make their burden any easier? But what is very therapeutic and very cathartic for them is to talk through their pain and what better person to do so but a close friend. Someone said that “pain shared is pain divided,” which means that when we share our pain with others, we all get to carry it together, which makes it easier and lighter for the one experiencing it. That’s why being there for the mourner is your gift to them, the ministry of presence. Don’t be afraid to be with those in mourning; it may be the best, most kind, and most loving thing you can do for your friend or loved one.
Prayer: Father, in the midst of our pain, you listen to us and come close to us to comfort us. Thank You for the healing You bring us through our pain.
Observation: Job had lost everything he owned, but his worst tragedy was the loss of all his children. When he became physically ill, his wife had had enough and told him to “curse God and die.” But then we read that his friends came to be with him and to comfort him, and they sat with him for seven days straight, without saying a word, just being there.
Application: One of the most tragic results from the death of a child is the demise of the marriage. Many couples simply can’t handle their pain and end up drifting apart and eventually separating and divorcing. It is very difficult to offer support and encouragement to your spouse when your own heart is breaking. At the same time, nothing can bring a couple together like experiencing a loss and growing together out of it. My wife and I have gone through the loss of my mother and both her parents, and several other family members. Those times, as difficult as they have been, have strengthened our relationship and are part of our history that keeps us together.
But there are times when we need help from outside too, and the tragic death of a loved one is a perfect time to offer or receive the comfort and encouragement of a dear, close friend. One of the questions many people have in their minds when visiting someone who’s lost a loved one is, what should I say? Job’s friends teach is a very important lesson: when visiting a grieving friend it is more important to just be there and listen than what you say. After all, what can you possibly say that would take their pain away, or make their burden any easier? But what is very therapeutic and very cathartic for them is to talk through their pain and what better person to do so but a close friend. Someone said that “pain shared is pain divided,” which means that when we share our pain with others, we all get to carry it together, which makes it easier and lighter for the one experiencing it. That’s why being there for the mourner is your gift to them, the ministry of presence. Don’t be afraid to be with those in mourning; it may be the best, most kind, and most loving thing you can do for your friend or loved one.
Prayer: Father, in the midst of our pain, you listen to us and come close to us to comfort us. Thank You for the healing You bring us through our pain.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Way to a Man's Heart? - June 2, 2009
Scripture: (Est 7:1-2 NKJV) So the king and Haman went to dine with Queen Esther. {2} And on the second day, at the banquet of wine, the king again said to Esther, "What is your petition, Queen Esther? It shall be granted you. And what is your request, up to half the kingdom? It shall be done!"
Observation: Esther was made aware of Haman’s plan to destroy the Jewish people, and after a period of fasting and prayer she invited the king, her husband to a banquet. After that banquet, she invited him to a second banquet the following night. It was at that banquet, when he was very pleased with the food, and with Esther, that she made her request on behalf of her people.
Application: It’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. One of the things I appreciate about my wife is that since we were young and dating, she made efforts to learn from my mother how to cook those things that I like best. I have to say that she not only learned how to fix some very typical Colombian food, but learned to made them very well. Pretty regularly she will fix for me one of those special dishes which not only take care of my appetite but also warm my heart.
At the same time, if a woman thinks that just by feeding her husband he will love her, she’s going to find herself with a very overweight man that simply likes to have a cook living with him. It is not that men like to eat and want to have a woman to cook for them. What men like is to have a woman who loves them enough to cook for and take care of them. Statistics show that married people enjoy better health. Single men are notorious for poor health habits. Married men enjoy the benefit of a wife who cares about them, fixes healthy meals for them, encourages them to take good care of themselves by exercising, going to the doctors for regular physical, eye, and dental exams. So really, a way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach, rather, the way to a man’s heart is through her heart.
Prayer: Father, thank you for the love of a wife, expressed through good food, but also expressed through loving, caring actions for her husband.
Observation: Esther was made aware of Haman’s plan to destroy the Jewish people, and after a period of fasting and prayer she invited the king, her husband to a banquet. After that banquet, she invited him to a second banquet the following night. It was at that banquet, when he was very pleased with the food, and with Esther, that she made her request on behalf of her people.
Application: It’s been said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. One of the things I appreciate about my wife is that since we were young and dating, she made efforts to learn from my mother how to cook those things that I like best. I have to say that she not only learned how to fix some very typical Colombian food, but learned to made them very well. Pretty regularly she will fix for me one of those special dishes which not only take care of my appetite but also warm my heart.
At the same time, if a woman thinks that just by feeding her husband he will love her, she’s going to find herself with a very overweight man that simply likes to have a cook living with him. It is not that men like to eat and want to have a woman to cook for them. What men like is to have a woman who loves them enough to cook for and take care of them. Statistics show that married people enjoy better health. Single men are notorious for poor health habits. Married men enjoy the benefit of a wife who cares about them, fixes healthy meals for them, encourages them to take good care of themselves by exercising, going to the doctors for regular physical, eye, and dental exams. So really, a way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach, rather, the way to a man’s heart is through her heart.
Prayer: Father, thank you for the love of a wife, expressed through good food, but also expressed through loving, caring actions for her husband.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Selfish Demands - June 1, 2009
Scripture: (Est 1:10-12 NKJV) On the seventh day, when the heart of the king was merry with wine, he commanded Mehuman, Biztha, Harbona, Bigtha, Abagtha, Zethar, and Carcas, seven eunuchs who served in the presence of King Ahasuerus, {11} to bring Queen Vashti before the king, wearing her royal crown, in order to show her beauty to the people and the officials, for she was beautiful to behold. {12} But Queen Vashti refused to come at the king's command brought by his eunuchs; therefore the king was furious, and his anger burned within him.
Observation: King Ahasuerus demanded of his wife, Queen Vashti, to come and present herself before those gathered at his party. A Bible commentary states that, “The refusal of Vashti to obey an order which required her to make an indecent exposure of herself before a company of drunken revellers, was becoming both the modesty of her sex and her rank as queen; for, according to Persian customs, the queen, even more than the wives of other men, was secluded from the public gaze. Had not the king’s blood been heated with wine, or his reason overpowered by force of offended pride, he would have perceived that his own honor, as well as hers, was consulted by her dignified conduct.”
In her devotional, Conflict and Courage, Ellen White adds, “When this command came from the king, Vashti did not carry out his orders, because she knew that wine had been freely used, and that Ahasuerus was under the influence of the intoxicating liquor. For her husband’s sake as well as her own, she decided not to leave her position at the head of the women of the court.
“It was when the king was not himself, when his reason was dethroned by wine-drinking that he sent for the queen, that those present at his feast, men besotted by wine, might gaze on her beauty. She acted in harmony with a pure conscience.
“Vashti refused to obey the king’s command, thinking that when he came to himself, he would commend her course of action. But the king had unwise advisers. They argued it would be a power given to woman that would be to her injury.” {p.243}
Application: Willard Harley, in his book, Love Busters, speaks uses that term to refer to those things that one spouse does to hurt the other and which therefore damages the romantic and caring love that should exist between them. Among those Love Busters, Harley cites Selfish Demands as one of them. He defines them as “Commanding your spouse to do things that would benefit you at your spouses expense, with implied threat of punishment if refused.” Then he goes on to say that “People who make demands don’t seem to care how others feel. If you make demands of your spouse and expect obedience, you are being controlling and manipulative. Demands are nothing short of abuse.” Instead of selfish demands, Harley suggests Thoughtful Requests – respectfully explaining to your spouse what you would like and allow your spouse the option of granting or denying your request.
Vashti’s response to the selfish demand of her husband, even if he was the king, shows that she was not pleased anymore than any spouse today would be at the selfish demands of their spouse. A thoughtful request would have a more positive reception, although it doesn’t mean the spouse has to agree, accept, or do what their spouse is asking of them. In other words, a thoughtful request may not get you what you want, but a selfish demand certainly will not promote any warm, caring feelings toward you.
Prayer: Father, selfishness and rebellion began the biggest battle ever in the universe; may they never be present in our marriage or family.
Observation: King Ahasuerus demanded of his wife, Queen Vashti, to come and present herself before those gathered at his party. A Bible commentary states that, “The refusal of Vashti to obey an order which required her to make an indecent exposure of herself before a company of drunken revellers, was becoming both the modesty of her sex and her rank as queen; for, according to Persian customs, the queen, even more than the wives of other men, was secluded from the public gaze. Had not the king’s blood been heated with wine, or his reason overpowered by force of offended pride, he would have perceived that his own honor, as well as hers, was consulted by her dignified conduct.”
In her devotional, Conflict and Courage, Ellen White adds, “When this command came from the king, Vashti did not carry out his orders, because she knew that wine had been freely used, and that Ahasuerus was under the influence of the intoxicating liquor. For her husband’s sake as well as her own, she decided not to leave her position at the head of the women of the court.
“It was when the king was not himself, when his reason was dethroned by wine-drinking that he sent for the queen, that those present at his feast, men besotted by wine, might gaze on her beauty. She acted in harmony with a pure conscience.
“Vashti refused to obey the king’s command, thinking that when he came to himself, he would commend her course of action. But the king had unwise advisers. They argued it would be a power given to woman that would be to her injury.” {p.243}
Application: Willard Harley, in his book, Love Busters, speaks uses that term to refer to those things that one spouse does to hurt the other and which therefore damages the romantic and caring love that should exist between them. Among those Love Busters, Harley cites Selfish Demands as one of them. He defines them as “Commanding your spouse to do things that would benefit you at your spouses expense, with implied threat of punishment if refused.” Then he goes on to say that “People who make demands don’t seem to care how others feel. If you make demands of your spouse and expect obedience, you are being controlling and manipulative. Demands are nothing short of abuse.” Instead of selfish demands, Harley suggests Thoughtful Requests – respectfully explaining to your spouse what you would like and allow your spouse the option of granting or denying your request.
Vashti’s response to the selfish demand of her husband, even if he was the king, shows that she was not pleased anymore than any spouse today would be at the selfish demands of their spouse. A thoughtful request would have a more positive reception, although it doesn’t mean the spouse has to agree, accept, or do what their spouse is asking of them. In other words, a thoughtful request may not get you what you want, but a selfish demand certainly will not promote any warm, caring feelings toward you.
Prayer: Father, selfishness and rebellion began the biggest battle ever in the universe; may they never be present in our marriage or family.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Guard the Gates - May 31, 2009
Scripture: (Jer 13:19 NKJV) The cities of the South shall be shut up, And no one shall open them; Judah shall be carried away captive, all of it; It shall be wholly carried away captive.
Observation: The walls, the city, and the temple had been rebuilt, and the Law of Moses (the Torah) had been read and explained to the people who had made a new dedication of themselves to the worship of God. Now Nehemiah faced a new challenge as venders were coming to Jerusalem to sell their wares on Sabbath. Even though he had warned them before, they had continued to do so, so this time he ordered that the gates of the city be shut during the hours of the Sabbath and threaten to have them beaten if they continued to come to tempt the people by trying to sell their stuff.
Application: We have heard of “guarding the edges of the Sabbath.” Some of the most quoted words from the pen of Ellen White are: “We should jealously guard the edges of the Sabbath. Remember that every moment is consecrated, holy time.” (The Faith I live By, pg. 34) By the edges of the Sabbath we mean the beginning and the end of this special day, sundown on Friday evening to sundown on Saturday afternoon. I would not suggest we threaten our family, or anyone else, with bodily harm if they come to our house to sell something on the Sabbath or if our children are doing something that is not conducive to good Sabbath rest and fellowship. However, as parents we do have the responsibility to do all in our power to ensure that the sacred hours of the Sabbath remain untainted by outside influences.
As our girls were growing up, we switched to “Sabbath toys,” and “Sabbath music,” and “Sabbath activities,” and we enjoyed a good time of worship to “welcome the Sabbath.” We incorporated a few traditions like the lighting of the Sabbath candles (a Jewish tradition), had Mexican tostadas, and for dessert we had donuts (you know, the commandment says to keep the Sabbath “wholey”). In the more conservative Jewish households the observance of Sabbath begins about an hour before sundown as they try to protect themselves for entering carelessly into those sacred hours.
The other edge of the Sabbath, the sundown that marks its end, should also be marked with worship, and with a good time of family fellowship and prayer. There’s no need to rush “out” of the Sabbath. Again, Jewish tradition teaches that the Sabbath is finally over when at least three stars are visible in the sky. What that means is that there should be no rush to end this day but rather linger in its blessings as long as possible. In fact, there’s a certain sense of sadness to see the Sabbath come to an end as the new week begins.
The point is not to make of the Sabbath a day of rules, regulations, and prohibitions which turns it into the longest, most boring, 24 hours of the week. Maybe we could think of the gates not as something to keep negative influences out of your life but as something that helps keep the blessings in and when we keep them open the blessings of this day flow out, away from us, even as we need them so desperately after a week of battling the world and its influences. Guarding the edges of the Sabbath is like closing doors and windows in the winter months in order to keep the warmth of the home inside and the bitter cold of winter outside. I love the feeling, during the cold winter months (specially here in Minnesota), of coming home and walking in from the cold garage into the warmth of the foyer. The warmth of my house greets me as I open the door and embraces me until the next time I have to go out. And that’s how I picture the Sabbath, its warmth embracing me and protecting me from the bitter cold of the rest of the week.
Prayer: Father, thank You for the warmth and the rest of the Sabbath.
Observation: The walls, the city, and the temple had been rebuilt, and the Law of Moses (the Torah) had been read and explained to the people who had made a new dedication of themselves to the worship of God. Now Nehemiah faced a new challenge as venders were coming to Jerusalem to sell their wares on Sabbath. Even though he had warned them before, they had continued to do so, so this time he ordered that the gates of the city be shut during the hours of the Sabbath and threaten to have them beaten if they continued to come to tempt the people by trying to sell their stuff.
Application: We have heard of “guarding the edges of the Sabbath.” Some of the most quoted words from the pen of Ellen White are: “We should jealously guard the edges of the Sabbath. Remember that every moment is consecrated, holy time.” (The Faith I live By, pg. 34) By the edges of the Sabbath we mean the beginning and the end of this special day, sundown on Friday evening to sundown on Saturday afternoon. I would not suggest we threaten our family, or anyone else, with bodily harm if they come to our house to sell something on the Sabbath or if our children are doing something that is not conducive to good Sabbath rest and fellowship. However, as parents we do have the responsibility to do all in our power to ensure that the sacred hours of the Sabbath remain untainted by outside influences.
As our girls were growing up, we switched to “Sabbath toys,” and “Sabbath music,” and “Sabbath activities,” and we enjoyed a good time of worship to “welcome the Sabbath.” We incorporated a few traditions like the lighting of the Sabbath candles (a Jewish tradition), had Mexican tostadas, and for dessert we had donuts (you know, the commandment says to keep the Sabbath “wholey”). In the more conservative Jewish households the observance of Sabbath begins about an hour before sundown as they try to protect themselves for entering carelessly into those sacred hours.
The other edge of the Sabbath, the sundown that marks its end, should also be marked with worship, and with a good time of family fellowship and prayer. There’s no need to rush “out” of the Sabbath. Again, Jewish tradition teaches that the Sabbath is finally over when at least three stars are visible in the sky. What that means is that there should be no rush to end this day but rather linger in its blessings as long as possible. In fact, there’s a certain sense of sadness to see the Sabbath come to an end as the new week begins.
The point is not to make of the Sabbath a day of rules, regulations, and prohibitions which turns it into the longest, most boring, 24 hours of the week. Maybe we could think of the gates not as something to keep negative influences out of your life but as something that helps keep the blessings in and when we keep them open the blessings of this day flow out, away from us, even as we need them so desperately after a week of battling the world and its influences. Guarding the edges of the Sabbath is like closing doors and windows in the winter months in order to keep the warmth of the home inside and the bitter cold of winter outside. I love the feeling, during the cold winter months (specially here in Minnesota), of coming home and walking in from the cold garage into the warmth of the foyer. The warmth of my house greets me as I open the door and embraces me until the next time I have to go out. And that’s how I picture the Sabbath, its warmth embracing me and protecting me from the bitter cold of the rest of the week.
Prayer: Father, thank You for the warmth and the rest of the Sabbath.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
They Made it Clear
Scripture: (Neh 8:8 NKJV) So they read distinctly from the book, in the Law of God; and they gave the sense, and helped them to understand the reading.
Observation: As the building of the city of Jerusalem and of the temple were finished, Nehemiah and the leaders recognized the need for a consecration of the people to God. Ezra, the scribe, stood before everyone gathered and read to them the words of the Book of the Law of Moses, the first five books of the Bible, or the Torah. As the people heard the stories and the regulations found in those books, they were moved in their hearts. But it wasn’t enough to just read the Law, the Levites helped the people to understand it by explaining its content and meaning.
Application: I encourage daily, regular reading of the Bible personally and at home. Personally, I encourage everyone to read through their Bibles every year. I have followed that practice for many years and have read through the entire Bible, in many different versions and translations, in two languages, every day of the year (with just a few exceptions), and doing so has enriched my life and opened windows of information, knowledge, and faith I might not otherwise have.
Beyond a reading of the Bible, though, there must be thoughtful study of selected passages, stories, sections of the Scriptures for deeper understanding. Also, for daily family worship, at least a portion of the Scriptures should be read and discussed. It doesn’t have to be a long theological dissertation and exegetical study of a passage, but at least a simple conversation of its meaning. Dennis Raney, Christian counselor and writer says concerning our verse for today:
It occurred to me that when we read the Bible to our families, we need to do so in a way so that we understand what we have just read, and that our children also grasp the meaning.
It’s easy to stick to the text of the Scripture and read it word for word, flying by words like reproach and exhortation – lofty words that may (or may not) be clear to us, but which leave our kids with blank looks on their faces.
When we read the Bible to your children, take the time to stop and explain the words and ideas they may have difficulty grasping. If needed, try paraphrasing the text to give them a down-home explanation of what it’s saying. Give them the freedom o stop you and ask what something means if they feel confused or stuck.
Reading and studying the Bible as a family can be a source of great blessing. But we need to make sure we aren’t just reading through it as quickly as possible, without helping everyone to understand what’s being read. (From the Family Life Marriage Bible).
Prayer: Father, help us to spend time daily with Your word, to understand it, to meditate upon it, and to spend the time teaching others what we have learned from it, and from You.
Observation: As the building of the city of Jerusalem and of the temple were finished, Nehemiah and the leaders recognized the need for a consecration of the people to God. Ezra, the scribe, stood before everyone gathered and read to them the words of the Book of the Law of Moses, the first five books of the Bible, or the Torah. As the people heard the stories and the regulations found in those books, they were moved in their hearts. But it wasn’t enough to just read the Law, the Levites helped the people to understand it by explaining its content and meaning.
Application: I encourage daily, regular reading of the Bible personally and at home. Personally, I encourage everyone to read through their Bibles every year. I have followed that practice for many years and have read through the entire Bible, in many different versions and translations, in two languages, every day of the year (with just a few exceptions), and doing so has enriched my life and opened windows of information, knowledge, and faith I might not otherwise have.
Beyond a reading of the Bible, though, there must be thoughtful study of selected passages, stories, sections of the Scriptures for deeper understanding. Also, for daily family worship, at least a portion of the Scriptures should be read and discussed. It doesn’t have to be a long theological dissertation and exegetical study of a passage, but at least a simple conversation of its meaning. Dennis Raney, Christian counselor and writer says concerning our verse for today:
It occurred to me that when we read the Bible to our families, we need to do so in a way so that we understand what we have just read, and that our children also grasp the meaning.
It’s easy to stick to the text of the Scripture and read it word for word, flying by words like reproach and exhortation – lofty words that may (or may not) be clear to us, but which leave our kids with blank looks on their faces.
When we read the Bible to your children, take the time to stop and explain the words and ideas they may have difficulty grasping. If needed, try paraphrasing the text to give them a down-home explanation of what it’s saying. Give them the freedom o stop you and ask what something means if they feel confused or stuck.
Reading and studying the Bible as a family can be a source of great blessing. But we need to make sure we aren’t just reading through it as quickly as possible, without helping everyone to understand what’s being read. (From the Family Life Marriage Bible).
Prayer: Father, help us to spend time daily with Your word, to understand it, to meditate upon it, and to spend the time teaching others what we have learned from it, and from You.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Repentance to All - May 28, 2009
Scripture: (Neh 1:5-11 NKJV) And I said: "I pray, LORD God of heaven, O great and awesome God, You who keep Your covenant and mercy with those who love You and observe Your commandments, {6} "please let Your ear be attentive and Your eyes open, that You may hear the prayer of Your servant which I pray before You now, day and night, for the children of Israel Your servants, and confess the sins of the children of Israel which we have sinned against You. Both my father's house and I have sinned. {7} "We have acted very corruptly against You, and have not kept the commandments, the statutes, nor the ordinances which You commanded Your servant Moses. {8} "Remember, I pray, the word that You commanded Your servant Moses, saying, 'If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the nations; {9} 'but if you return to Me, and keep My commandments and do them, though some of you were cast out to the farthest part of the heavens, yet I will gather them from there, and bring them to the place which I have chosen as a dwelling for My name.' {10} "Now these are Your servants and Your people, whom You have redeemed by Your great power, and by Your strong hand. {11} "O Lord, I pray, please let Your ear be attentive to the prayer of Your servant, and to the prayer of Your servants who desire to fear Your name; and let Your servant prosper this day, I pray, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man." For I was the king's cupbearer.
Observation: Nehemiah was saddened to know the ruined condition of Jerusalem and Judah, and he recognized that it was the result of the people’s rebelliousness against God. So he prays the prayer in our text for today.
Application: Nehemiah could have prayed for deliverance for himself and his family, but instead, he recognized all of them needed to repent. At the same time, he could have prayed for forgiveness only for the people, but he was humble enough to pray for the people but also for himself.
It is interesting how at times we pray for our loved ones, which we should do, and ask God to lead them closer to Him, and to bring them to repentance and to the place where they will be ready for His soon return. But somehow we don’t always come humbly before the Lord in recognition of our own need for repentance, knowledge of God, and preparation for His return. Nehemiah prayed for his people, but humbly also prayed and confessed his own sin. And the wonderful thing is that God heard his plea and granted his prayer and Nehemiah was able to go back and lead in the rebuilding of the city and the reestablishment of the worship of God. Maybe our prayers will be the catalyst for a complete revival in our lives and in our homes, maybe even beyond to our churches and to the area where we live. . . and it all begins with being humble enough to recognize our own need for repentance and forgiveness.
Prayer: Father, we too have sinned and have turned our backs to you. Forgive our sin, cleanse us and make us new, and may the experience of conversion be ours and that of our loved ones.
Observation: Nehemiah was saddened to know the ruined condition of Jerusalem and Judah, and he recognized that it was the result of the people’s rebelliousness against God. So he prays the prayer in our text for today.
Application: Nehemiah could have prayed for deliverance for himself and his family, but instead, he recognized all of them needed to repent. At the same time, he could have prayed for forgiveness only for the people, but he was humble enough to pray for the people but also for himself.
It is interesting how at times we pray for our loved ones, which we should do, and ask God to lead them closer to Him, and to bring them to repentance and to the place where they will be ready for His soon return. But somehow we don’t always come humbly before the Lord in recognition of our own need for repentance, knowledge of God, and preparation for His return. Nehemiah prayed for his people, but humbly also prayed and confessed his own sin. And the wonderful thing is that God heard his plea and granted his prayer and Nehemiah was able to go back and lead in the rebuilding of the city and the reestablishment of the worship of God. Maybe our prayers will be the catalyst for a complete revival in our lives and in our homes, maybe even beyond to our churches and to the area where we live. . . and it all begins with being humble enough to recognize our own need for repentance and forgiveness.
Prayer: Father, we too have sinned and have turned our backs to you. Forgive our sin, cleanse us and make us new, and may the experience of conversion be ours and that of our loved ones.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Faith Through Fear - May 25, 2009
Scripture: (Ezra 3:3 NKJV) Though fear had come upon them because of the people of those countries, they set the altar on its bases; and they offered burnt offerings on it to the LORD, both the morning and evening burnt offerings.
Observation: Ezra gets permission to go back to Jerusalem and start the process of rebuilding the city. He and the people encounter opposition, but they move forward and begin the restoration of the temple as they realize the importance of religion in the life of the people and of the nation.
Application: This verse jumped at me this morning. There are times when just living in this world, and all that’s available for our children to see and do, fills us with fear for them and their future. But we cannot be paralyzed with fear and do nothing. Like Ezra and the people of the time, we need to continue to move forward in the reestablishment or continuation of the worship of the Lord, both morning and evening.
Prayer: Father, nothing is a surprise to You. So knowing everything, please bless our protect our children, and make them faithful to You all the days of their lives.
Observation: Ezra gets permission to go back to Jerusalem and start the process of rebuilding the city. He and the people encounter opposition, but they move forward and begin the restoration of the temple as they realize the importance of religion in the life of the people and of the nation.
Application: This verse jumped at me this morning. There are times when just living in this world, and all that’s available for our children to see and do, fills us with fear for them and their future. But we cannot be paralyzed with fear and do nothing. Like Ezra and the people of the time, we need to continue to move forward in the reestablishment or continuation of the worship of the Lord, both morning and evening.
Prayer: Father, nothing is a surprise to You. So knowing everything, please bless our protect our children, and make them faithful to You all the days of their lives.
Pride Consumes - May 23, 2009
Scripture: (2 Chr 32:24-26 NKJV) In those days Hezekiah was sick and near death, and he prayed to the LORD; and He spoke to him and gave him a sign. {25} But Hezekiah did not repay according to the favor shown him, for his heart was lifted up; therefore wrath was looming over him and over Judah and Jerusalem. {26} Then Hezekiah humbled himself for the pride of his heart, he and the inhabitants of Jerusalem, so that the wrath of the LORD did not come upon them in the days of Hezekiah.
Observation: Hezekiah did many good things in reestablishing the worship of God and His law, but he was by no means perfect in what he did. When he was sick, he asked for healing and his prayer was answered, but as a result his heart became proud, which caused him to make mistakes that cost him and Jerusalem a great deal. Fortunately, the last we hear about Hezekiah was that he humbled himself again before God.
Application: The Soviet dissident Alexander Solzhenitsyn wrote that “Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig.” To which Dennis Raney added, “Pride is one of the few things that can grow in the human heart without any outside sustenance. The human race is prone to be proud.”
I’ve often wondered about this thing we call pride, and it seems to me that there is a certain amount of joy we as parents have for our children which can be considered “healthy” pride, but there is a point at which this healthy pride becomes unhealthy and it brings about painful consequences. When our children do well in school and when they are kind and polite, something good moves in our hearts. When someone makes a nice comment about our children, something good stirs inside us and gives us a warm feeling. Would that be “healthy” pride? Could we honestly say we are “proud of our children?” But when we become obsessed with our children’s accomplishments, when we want to display bumper stickers every time our children win an award or get good grades or their name appears on the dean’s list, has it or can it become unhealthy pride? Are we using our children as pawns to tell the whole world how good we are as parents and to indirectly put down every other parent and their children?
When we display pride for our children only when the accomplish something big or because of their accomplishments, we may be sending them the signal that their worth is tied to those accomplishments. Some parents live their dreams through their children and thus are very happy when their children succeed and very disappointed in them when they don’t do as they would wish them to do.
So, let’s rejoice with our children in their accomplishments, but don’t make them the goal or end of their lives. And let us not use our children to fulfill our dreams or as pawns against others so we can be exalted in our own eyes. It’s best to be humble than to be humbled.
Prayer: Father, teach us to be humble, even when our hearts burst with “healthy” pride.
Observation: Hezekiah did many good things in reestablishing the worship of God and His law, but he was by no means perfect in what he did. When he was sick, he asked for healing and his prayer was answered, but as a result his heart became proud, which caused him to make mistakes that cost him and Jerusalem a great deal. Fortunately, the last we hear about Hezekiah was that he humbled himself again before God.
Application: The Soviet dissident Alexander Solzhenitsyn wrote that “Pride grows in the human heart like lard on a pig.” To which Dennis Raney added, “Pride is one of the few things that can grow in the human heart without any outside sustenance. The human race is prone to be proud.”
I’ve often wondered about this thing we call pride, and it seems to me that there is a certain amount of joy we as parents have for our children which can be considered “healthy” pride, but there is a point at which this healthy pride becomes unhealthy and it brings about painful consequences. When our children do well in school and when they are kind and polite, something good moves in our hearts. When someone makes a nice comment about our children, something good stirs inside us and gives us a warm feeling. Would that be “healthy” pride? Could we honestly say we are “proud of our children?” But when we become obsessed with our children’s accomplishments, when we want to display bumper stickers every time our children win an award or get good grades or their name appears on the dean’s list, has it or can it become unhealthy pride? Are we using our children as pawns to tell the whole world how good we are as parents and to indirectly put down every other parent and their children?
When we display pride for our children only when the accomplish something big or because of their accomplishments, we may be sending them the signal that their worth is tied to those accomplishments. Some parents live their dreams through their children and thus are very happy when their children succeed and very disappointed in them when they don’t do as they would wish them to do.
So, let’s rejoice with our children in their accomplishments, but don’t make them the goal or end of their lives. And let us not use our children to fulfill our dreams or as pawns against others so we can be exalted in our own eyes. It’s best to be humble than to be humbled.
Prayer: Father, teach us to be humble, even when our hearts burst with “healthy” pride.
Friday, May 22, 2009
It's Not Too Late - May 22, 2009
Scripture: (2 Chr 31:20-21 NKJV) Thus Hezekiah did throughout all Judah, and he did what was good and right and true before the LORD his God. {21} And in every work that he began in the service of the house of God, in the law and in the commandment, to seek his God, he did it with all his heart. So he prospered.
Observation: From the time Hezekiah became king of Judah he began a reform of a spiritual nature throughout the nation but also a physical restoration of the temple and its services. Not only did he order the repair of the temple, with everyone’s contribution, but he also destroyed the worship of other gods and moved the people to rededicate themselves and their children to the worship of the true God.
Application: So you hear or read how critically important it is to lead by example in the worship of the Lord, particularly in the life of our children. And you may think that since you have not been doing it – you have not been praying with and for your children, or you have not been having daily worship with them, or you have not been spending time every day studying God’s will, seeking His will or following His commands – so you may feel guilty and maybe tempted to give up and simply continue the same pattern for your and their lives.
The story of Hezekiah’s reforms can teach us that it is never too late to begin again, it is never too late to make changes in our personal devotional life or in the family worship of our God. So why not begin today. You can talk to your family, confess that you have not been faithful to His commands in that you have not been leading them by example in the worship of God, and share with them that you intend to begin again, and to invite them to join you. Explain that you are making a new commitment to pray with and for them every day, and that you will be studying a portion of the Scriptures, and that you would like to gather with them each day to have family worship time. The honest confession on your part will show them that you’re transparent with them and are willing to show them your human nature, that you’re not perfect but also that you want to do your best under God’s guidance. Don’t let the devil defeat you and continue in the same pattern of disregard for God and His worship. Think of yourself as the Hezekiah of your home, making personal and family reforms in order to bring a revival of the faith to your family. While you may encounter some resistance, if you do it kindly and lovingly, and persevere, the results will be better than continuing to neglect your personal and your family devotional life and daily commitment to God.
Prayer: Father, forgive us for neglecting our time and communion with You and for not leading our family in a daily experience of prayer and worship with You. Help us to begin again, to make things right with You, and to bring about this reform and revival in our lives and that of our children.
Observation: From the time Hezekiah became king of Judah he began a reform of a spiritual nature throughout the nation but also a physical restoration of the temple and its services. Not only did he order the repair of the temple, with everyone’s contribution, but he also destroyed the worship of other gods and moved the people to rededicate themselves and their children to the worship of the true God.
Application: So you hear or read how critically important it is to lead by example in the worship of the Lord, particularly in the life of our children. And you may think that since you have not been doing it – you have not been praying with and for your children, or you have not been having daily worship with them, or you have not been spending time every day studying God’s will, seeking His will or following His commands – so you may feel guilty and maybe tempted to give up and simply continue the same pattern for your and their lives.
The story of Hezekiah’s reforms can teach us that it is never too late to begin again, it is never too late to make changes in our personal devotional life or in the family worship of our God. So why not begin today. You can talk to your family, confess that you have not been faithful to His commands in that you have not been leading them by example in the worship of God, and share with them that you intend to begin again, and to invite them to join you. Explain that you are making a new commitment to pray with and for them every day, and that you will be studying a portion of the Scriptures, and that you would like to gather with them each day to have family worship time. The honest confession on your part will show them that you’re transparent with them and are willing to show them your human nature, that you’re not perfect but also that you want to do your best under God’s guidance. Don’t let the devil defeat you and continue in the same pattern of disregard for God and His worship. Think of yourself as the Hezekiah of your home, making personal and family reforms in order to bring a revival of the faith to your family. While you may encounter some resistance, if you do it kindly and lovingly, and persevere, the results will be better than continuing to neglect your personal and your family devotional life and daily commitment to God.
Prayer: Father, forgive us for neglecting our time and communion with You and for not leading our family in a daily experience of prayer and worship with You. Help us to begin again, to make things right with You, and to bring about this reform and revival in our lives and that of our children.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
God's Battle - May 19, 2009
Scripture: (2 Chr 20:15 NKJV) And he said, "Listen, all you of Judah and you inhabitants of Jerusalem, and you, King Jehoshaphat! Thus says the LORD to you: 'Do not be afraid nor dismayed because of this great multitude, for the battle is not yours, but God's.
Observation: The Ammonites and Moabites joined forces with other groups and came up to battle against Jesoshaphat, king of Judah. The people of Judah gathered for the battle, but before they did they sough the Lord and in the midst of that assembly Jahaziel spoke for God to encourage Jehoshaphat and the people – some of his words are the words of our text for today. Jehoshaphat, in turn, supported the words of Jahaziel by saying: “Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper” (vs.20).
Application: As a father, sometimes it seems as if the battles we fight for our children is a losing battle. The media, friends, music, everything seems like the enemy’s forces arrayed in battle against them and we are powerless to fight them for no matter how much we do to protect them from any and all of their influence, we would have to live in a deserted island or in some cave for those influences to not reach them.
Today’s words always encourage me because I know this is not a losing battle after all. I have to commit myself and my family to the Lord, and trust that He will fight this battle for me and for them. As scary and discouraging as it may seem at times, we must leave the results to Him.
Prayer: Father, today we commit ourselves and our family to You. Fight the battle for our salvation for us and give the final victory for your Honor and glory. We long to spend eternity with You.
Observation: The Ammonites and Moabites joined forces with other groups and came up to battle against Jesoshaphat, king of Judah. The people of Judah gathered for the battle, but before they did they sough the Lord and in the midst of that assembly Jahaziel spoke for God to encourage Jehoshaphat and the people – some of his words are the words of our text for today. Jehoshaphat, in turn, supported the words of Jahaziel by saying: “Believe in the Lord your God, and you shall be established; believe His prophets, and you shall prosper” (vs.20).
Application: As a father, sometimes it seems as if the battles we fight for our children is a losing battle. The media, friends, music, everything seems like the enemy’s forces arrayed in battle against them and we are powerless to fight them for no matter how much we do to protect them from any and all of their influence, we would have to live in a deserted island or in some cave for those influences to not reach them.
Today’s words always encourage me because I know this is not a losing battle after all. I have to commit myself and my family to the Lord, and trust that He will fight this battle for me and for them. As scary and discouraging as it may seem at times, we must leave the results to Him.
Prayer: Father, today we commit ourselves and our family to You. Fight the battle for our salvation for us and give the final victory for your Honor and glory. We long to spend eternity with You.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
The Marriage and Divorce Go-round - May 17, 2009
Scripture: (2 Chr 11:21 NKJV) Now Rehoboam loved Maachah the granddaughter of Absalom more than all his wives and his concubines; for he took eighteen wives and sixty concubines, and begot twenty-eight sons and sixty daughters.
Observation: Rehoboam was the king of Israel after his father Solomon passed away. This section of the Scriptures tells us that he married a number of women and also had concubines, much like his father, although not as many as Solomon. Among the wives he had, he loved Maachah, granddaughter of her uncle Absalom. As it’s often the case, since she loved Maacah most, he also preferred the son he had with her, Abijah. Rehoboam had other sons, and he placed them all in charge of several of the cities in Israel, but with Abijah he had a special plan for him to be his successor in the throne of Israel one day.
Application: God does not condone polygamy, and in most countries it is illegal. And yet we have come to accept a different form of polygamy – successive marriages, punctuated with divorces in between. As we heard the news of celebrity divorces and remarriages we used to be shocked and ashamed, now it’s become fodder for entertainment. Recently I read a book which contains some interesting facts about marriage. One of them is the number of times some famous people have been or were married. Here’s a sample:
Married Nine Times
Pancho Villa
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Married Eight Times
Elizabeth Taylor (twice to the same man)
Mickey Rooney
Married Seven Times
Lana Turner
Richard Pryor (Four times to two of the women)
Martha Raye
Stan Laurel (three times to the same woman)
Jennifer O’Neil
Larry King
Married Six Times
Johnny Weissmuller
King Henry VIII
Jerry Lee Lewis
Married Five Times
Ernest Borgnine
Heorge C. Scott (twice to the same woman)
George Peppard (twice to the same woman)
Ginger Rogers
Eva Gabor
Judy Garland
Henry Fonda
George Foreman
Tammy Wynette
Clark Gable
Richard Burton (twice to the same woman)
Billy Bob Thornton
Martin Scorsese
While some may say that it’s only celebrities that change marriage partners so often, there are others who jump in and out of marriage just as much and as quickly. Certain professions tend to lead to divorce and remarriage more often than others – law enforcement, military, entertainment, etc.
One of the interesting facts that has come out of research is that each successive marriage after divorce lasts less than the previous. In other words, if the first marriage lasted a number of years, the second will last less than the first, the third marriage will last than the second, the fourth marriage will last than the third, and so on. Instead of finding marital bliss with more successive marriages, many of these people find out they were happier with their first spouse than they were with any of the other that followed them. While there may be some romance and passion for a while on the other marriages and relationships, eventually there settles an emptiness and dissatisfaction which leads to another divorce and a search for fulfillment in yet another relationship when the key to happiness was in the first marriage.
Rather than entering the marriage and divorce go-round, make every effort to maintain your current relationship strong, look for ways to meet each others’ most important emotional needs, look for the best in each other rather than concentrate on the negative side of the other. Rather than jumping ship on your spouse thinking that someone else can make you happier, look for ways to make your spouse happy, to fulfill with them your marriage vows to live with them in sickness and in health until death do you part. Hopefully you will find more ways and reasons to stay together with your spouse rather than finding out later, two or three spouses later, that what you have now, and which you will never recover if you leave it, was better than anything you have had since.
Prayer: Father, we know you don’t accept or condone polygamy and that you hate divorce. Help us to value each other and to cultivate daily a strong marital relationship so we have the most fulfilling experience and at the same time bring the highest honor and glory to You.
Observation: Rehoboam was the king of Israel after his father Solomon passed away. This section of the Scriptures tells us that he married a number of women and also had concubines, much like his father, although not as many as Solomon. Among the wives he had, he loved Maachah, granddaughter of her uncle Absalom. As it’s often the case, since she loved Maacah most, he also preferred the son he had with her, Abijah. Rehoboam had other sons, and he placed them all in charge of several of the cities in Israel, but with Abijah he had a special plan for him to be his successor in the throne of Israel one day.
Application: God does not condone polygamy, and in most countries it is illegal. And yet we have come to accept a different form of polygamy – successive marriages, punctuated with divorces in between. As we heard the news of celebrity divorces and remarriages we used to be shocked and ashamed, now it’s become fodder for entertainment. Recently I read a book which contains some interesting facts about marriage. One of them is the number of times some famous people have been or were married. Here’s a sample:
Married Nine Times
Pancho Villa
Zsa Zsa Gabor
Married Eight Times
Elizabeth Taylor (twice to the same man)
Mickey Rooney
Married Seven Times
Lana Turner
Richard Pryor (Four times to two of the women)
Martha Raye
Stan Laurel (three times to the same woman)
Jennifer O’Neil
Larry King
Married Six Times
Johnny Weissmuller
King Henry VIII
Jerry Lee Lewis
Married Five Times
Ernest Borgnine
Heorge C. Scott (twice to the same woman)
George Peppard (twice to the same woman)
Ginger Rogers
Eva Gabor
Judy Garland
Henry Fonda
George Foreman
Tammy Wynette
Clark Gable
Richard Burton (twice to the same woman)
Billy Bob Thornton
Martin Scorsese
While some may say that it’s only celebrities that change marriage partners so often, there are others who jump in and out of marriage just as much and as quickly. Certain professions tend to lead to divorce and remarriage more often than others – law enforcement, military, entertainment, etc.
One of the interesting facts that has come out of research is that each successive marriage after divorce lasts less than the previous. In other words, if the first marriage lasted a number of years, the second will last less than the first, the third marriage will last than the second, the fourth marriage will last than the third, and so on. Instead of finding marital bliss with more successive marriages, many of these people find out they were happier with their first spouse than they were with any of the other that followed them. While there may be some romance and passion for a while on the other marriages and relationships, eventually there settles an emptiness and dissatisfaction which leads to another divorce and a search for fulfillment in yet another relationship when the key to happiness was in the first marriage.
Rather than entering the marriage and divorce go-round, make every effort to maintain your current relationship strong, look for ways to meet each others’ most important emotional needs, look for the best in each other rather than concentrate on the negative side of the other. Rather than jumping ship on your spouse thinking that someone else can make you happier, look for ways to make your spouse happy, to fulfill with them your marriage vows to live with them in sickness and in health until death do you part. Hopefully you will find more ways and reasons to stay together with your spouse rather than finding out later, two or three spouses later, that what you have now, and which you will never recover if you leave it, was better than anything you have had since.
Prayer: Father, we know you don’t accept or condone polygamy and that you hate divorce. Help us to value each other and to cultivate daily a strong marital relationship so we have the most fulfilling experience and at the same time bring the highest honor and glory to You.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Praise God for God's Will - April 15, 2009
Scripture: (1 Chr 17:16-27 NKJV) Then King David went in and sat before the LORD; and he said: "Who am I, O LORD God? And what is my house, that You have brought me this far? {17} "And yet this was a small thing in Your sight, O God; and You have also spoken of Your servant's house for a great while to come, and have regarded me according to the rank of a man of high degree, O LORD God. {18} "What more can David say to You for the honor of Your servant? For You know Your servant. {19} "O LORD, for Your servant's sake, and according to Your own heart, You have done all this greatness, in making known all these great things. {20} "O LORD, there is none like You, nor is there any God besides You, according to all that we have heard with our ears. {21} "And who is like Your people Israel, the one nation on the earth whom God went to redeem for Himself as a people; to make for Yourself a name by great and awesome deeds, by driving out nations from before Your people whom You redeemed from Egypt? {22} "For You have made Your people Israel Your very own people forever; and You, LORD, have become their God. {23} "And now, O LORD, the word which You have spoken concerning Your servant and concerning his house, let it be established forever, and do as You have said. {24} "So let it be established, that Your name may be magnified forever, saying, 'The LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, is Israel's God.' And let the house of Your servant David be established before You. {25} "For You, O my God, have revealed to Your servant that You will build him a house. Therefore Your servant has found it in his heart to pray before You. {26} "And now, LORD, You are God, and have promised this goodness to Your servant. {27} "Now You have been pleased to bless the house of Your servant, that it may continue before You forever; for You have blessed it, O LORD, and it shall be blessed forever."
Observation: David wanted to build God’s temple and told so to Nathan the prophet who encouraged him to do so. That night God told Nathan to tell David not to build Him the temple he intended to. David’s response is our Scripture for today, in the form of a prayer of praise.
Application: I think David’s response was exemplary. He could have become angry or bitter that God wouldn’t want him to build the temple for His honor and glory. He could have argued with God that he had won so many battles for God and for Israel so he should be allowed to build this great monument to God. He could have become bitter and resentful, he could have rebelled, he could have become a stumbling block to the building of the temple, he could have acted like a bad looser or a politician after being voted out of office, or he could have reacted in many other negative ways.
What I love about this story, and why God said of David he was a man after His own heart (1 Sam. 13:14), is David’s positive, indeed joyful, reaction, which is our text for today. The way I feel is that if we truly believe in God’s will for our lives, and that His will is always best, then if we don’t get what we thought we might, what is offered to us, or even what we hoped we would, instead of becoming bitter or resentful we should praise God and thank Him. Don’t be sour grapes because the job you wanted was given to somebody else, because someone made a higher bid on a house you had made an offer to buy, because somebody else is now dating the person you were hoping to date, or because the person you were dating left you to marry somebody else. Praise God it worked out that way! That means that what God has in store for you is better than what you wanted or though you might get. It may not appear to be so at first, but it is God’s best for you, without a doubt.
Prayer: Father, today we echo David’s words of praise for Your will in our lives.
Observation: David wanted to build God’s temple and told so to Nathan the prophet who encouraged him to do so. That night God told Nathan to tell David not to build Him the temple he intended to. David’s response is our Scripture for today, in the form of a prayer of praise.
Application: I think David’s response was exemplary. He could have become angry or bitter that God wouldn’t want him to build the temple for His honor and glory. He could have argued with God that he had won so many battles for God and for Israel so he should be allowed to build this great monument to God. He could have become bitter and resentful, he could have rebelled, he could have become a stumbling block to the building of the temple, he could have acted like a bad looser or a politician after being voted out of office, or he could have reacted in many other negative ways.
What I love about this story, and why God said of David he was a man after His own heart (1 Sam. 13:14), is David’s positive, indeed joyful, reaction, which is our text for today. The way I feel is that if we truly believe in God’s will for our lives, and that His will is always best, then if we don’t get what we thought we might, what is offered to us, or even what we hoped we would, instead of becoming bitter or resentful we should praise God and thank Him. Don’t be sour grapes because the job you wanted was given to somebody else, because someone made a higher bid on a house you had made an offer to buy, because somebody else is now dating the person you were hoping to date, or because the person you were dating left you to marry somebody else. Praise God it worked out that way! That means that what God has in store for you is better than what you wanted or though you might get. It may not appear to be so at first, but it is God’s best for you, without a doubt.
Prayer: Father, today we echo David’s words of praise for Your will in our lives.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Abraham's Tree
Scripture: And Abraham begot Isaac. The sons of Isaac were Esau and Israel. (1 Chr 1:34 NKJV)
Observation: This is one of the driest portions of the Bible, mainly because it just consists of lists of names, a genealogical chart of the generations since the creation of Adam to the date of the writing of this book. Here and there you may find a short account of a prominent person, but for several chapters there are lists, and more lists. The text today points to one of the best known family tree, that of Abraham.
Application: As part of my doctoral dissertation I wrote the following:
One way marriage and family therapists, maybe even trained clergy people, can discover unhealthy family patterns transmitted from one generation to the next is by the use of a Genogram. A Genogram is a pictorial display of a person's family relationships and medical history, and goes beyond a traditional family tree by showing hereditary patterns and psychological factors that punctuate relationships. It can be used to identify repetitive patterns of behavior and to recognize hereditary tendencies. A Genogram could help one understand the meaning of the words of God through Moses, “You shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me” (Exodus 20:5 NKJV). While some look at this text as God’s way of punishing succeeding generations for the sins of their fathers, it seems as if what God was trying to show was that the sins, habits, practices of one generation are transmitted to others and often get worse. The editors of the Seventh-day Adventist Commentary explain:
A distinction should be made, however, between the natural results of a sinful course of action, and punishment inflicted because of it (PP 306). God does not penalize one individual for the wrong deeds of another (Ezekiel. 18:2–24). Each man stands before God, responsible only for his own acts. At the same time God does not interfere with the laws of heredity in such a way as to protect one generation from the misdeeds of its fathers, as that would be inconsistent with His character and His principles of dealing with men. It is only through these laws of heredity, which were of course ordained by the Creator in the beginning (see Gen. 1:21, 24, 25), that divine justice visits the “iniquity” of one generation upon the next.
No one can escape completely the consequences of dissipation, disease, profligacy, evil doing, ignorance, and bad habits handed down by preceding generations. The descendants of degraded idolaters and the offspring of evil and vicious men generally begin life under the handicap of physical and moral sin, and harvest the fruit of seed sown by their parents. Juvenile delinquency proves the truth of the second commandment. Environment also has a decided effect upon each rising generation. But since God is gracious and just, we may trust Him to deal fairly with each person, making due allowance for the disadvantages of birth, the inherited predispositions, and the influence of previous environment upon character. His justice and mercy require this (Ps. 87:6; Luke 12:47, 48; John 15:22; Acts 17:30; 2 Cor. 8:12). At the same time our aim is to be victorious over every inherited and cultivated tendency to evil (COL 315, 330, 331; DA 671).
God “visits,” or “appoints,” the results of iniquity, not vindictively, but to teach sinners that a wrong course of action inevitably brings unfortunate results.
In the Bible there is the history of several prominent families, patriarchs of the Jewish, Christian, and even Muslim faiths. When these families are studied, and with the help of a Genogram, it’s clear to see some of the unhealthy patterns transmitted from one generation to several generations that followed. One of the examples is the family of David, as seen in the Genogram below. At least three patterns or themes become evident from one generation to the next.
i. The first is their heart or religion. Although we don’t know much about Jesse, David’s father, he must have been a devoted believer in God (1 Samuel 16). God referred to David as a man “after His own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14 NKJV). However, he also committed a doubly-grievous sin when he sinned with Bathsheba and then plotted to have her husband, Uriah, killed. His son, Solomon, was responsible for the actual construction of God’s temple and asks for wisdom and is granted the answer to his prayers plus riches and power as well. However, Solomon married hundreds of wives who led him to mix the worship of God to that of pagan deities. By the time of the next generation Rehoboam, son of Solomon, ignores God completely and practices idolatry of the worst kinds, like other nations around Israel.
ii. A second pattern or theme that can be seen through the Genogram of David’s family is that of sexual sin. Much like people and rulers of the time, David marries several wives and even commits adultery with Bathsheba before marrying her. His oldest son, Ammon, commits sexual immorality, possible forcible rape, with his half-sister Tamar. David’s other son, Solomon, continues with this pattern by marrying seven hundred wives and adding three hundred concubines to his retinue (1 Kings 11:3). Following him, Solomon’s son Rehoboam had eighteen wives and sixty concubines (2 Chronicles 11:21).
iii. Another pattern is the family division and sibling rivalry present in every generation. David has some problems with his older brothers who don’t think much of him (1 Samuel 16-17). Absalom, one of his sons, murders one of his brothers, Ammon as revenge for raping his sister Tamar. Later Absalom rebels against his own father and goes out in pursuit of him but is tragically killed by one of David’s generals. Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, continues this pattern of rebellion and disobedience to God so Israel is divided into two with ten tribes to the north and two to the south. Eventually both separate kingdoms are conquered by surrounding nations and the people either taken captive or scattered.
This knowledge of family history through the use of Genograms is very important, as Scazzero writes, because “sin is passed on from generation to generation. God allows this story to be recorded to sober us to take a deep, hard look inside (cf. 1 Corinthians 10:6). The implication for church life is clear: It is impossible to help people break free from their past apart from understanding the families in which they grew up. Unless people grasp the power of the past on who they are in the present, they will inevitably replicate those patterns in relationships inside and outside the church.”
Prayer: Father, may we learn from our past so we don’t repeat with our children mistakes and sins that will continue to be transmitted for many more generations in the future.
Observation: This is one of the driest portions of the Bible, mainly because it just consists of lists of names, a genealogical chart of the generations since the creation of Adam to the date of the writing of this book. Here and there you may find a short account of a prominent person, but for several chapters there are lists, and more lists. The text today points to one of the best known family tree, that of Abraham.
Application: As part of my doctoral dissertation I wrote the following:
One way marriage and family therapists, maybe even trained clergy people, can discover unhealthy family patterns transmitted from one generation to the next is by the use of a Genogram. A Genogram is a pictorial display of a person's family relationships and medical history, and goes beyond a traditional family tree by showing hereditary patterns and psychological factors that punctuate relationships. It can be used to identify repetitive patterns of behavior and to recognize hereditary tendencies. A Genogram could help one understand the meaning of the words of God through Moses, “You shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me” (Exodus 20:5 NKJV). While some look at this text as God’s way of punishing succeeding generations for the sins of their fathers, it seems as if what God was trying to show was that the sins, habits, practices of one generation are transmitted to others and often get worse. The editors of the Seventh-day Adventist Commentary explain:
A distinction should be made, however, between the natural results of a sinful course of action, and punishment inflicted because of it (PP 306). God does not penalize one individual for the wrong deeds of another (Ezekiel. 18:2–24). Each man stands before God, responsible only for his own acts. At the same time God does not interfere with the laws of heredity in such a way as to protect one generation from the misdeeds of its fathers, as that would be inconsistent with His character and His principles of dealing with men. It is only through these laws of heredity, which were of course ordained by the Creator in the beginning (see Gen. 1:21, 24, 25), that divine justice visits the “iniquity” of one generation upon the next.
No one can escape completely the consequences of dissipation, disease, profligacy, evil doing, ignorance, and bad habits handed down by preceding generations. The descendants of degraded idolaters and the offspring of evil and vicious men generally begin life under the handicap of physical and moral sin, and harvest the fruit of seed sown by their parents. Juvenile delinquency proves the truth of the second commandment. Environment also has a decided effect upon each rising generation. But since God is gracious and just, we may trust Him to deal fairly with each person, making due allowance for the disadvantages of birth, the inherited predispositions, and the influence of previous environment upon character. His justice and mercy require this (Ps. 87:6; Luke 12:47, 48; John 15:22; Acts 17:30; 2 Cor. 8:12). At the same time our aim is to be victorious over every inherited and cultivated tendency to evil (COL 315, 330, 331; DA 671).
God “visits,” or “appoints,” the results of iniquity, not vindictively, but to teach sinners that a wrong course of action inevitably brings unfortunate results.
In the Bible there is the history of several prominent families, patriarchs of the Jewish, Christian, and even Muslim faiths. When these families are studied, and with the help of a Genogram, it’s clear to see some of the unhealthy patterns transmitted from one generation to several generations that followed. One of the examples is the family of David, as seen in the Genogram below. At least three patterns or themes become evident from one generation to the next.
i. The first is their heart or religion. Although we don’t know much about Jesse, David’s father, he must have been a devoted believer in God (1 Samuel 16). God referred to David as a man “after His own heart” (1 Samuel 13:14 NKJV). However, he also committed a doubly-grievous sin when he sinned with Bathsheba and then plotted to have her husband, Uriah, killed. His son, Solomon, was responsible for the actual construction of God’s temple and asks for wisdom and is granted the answer to his prayers plus riches and power as well. However, Solomon married hundreds of wives who led him to mix the worship of God to that of pagan deities. By the time of the next generation Rehoboam, son of Solomon, ignores God completely and practices idolatry of the worst kinds, like other nations around Israel.
ii. A second pattern or theme that can be seen through the Genogram of David’s family is that of sexual sin. Much like people and rulers of the time, David marries several wives and even commits adultery with Bathsheba before marrying her. His oldest son, Ammon, commits sexual immorality, possible forcible rape, with his half-sister Tamar. David’s other son, Solomon, continues with this pattern by marrying seven hundred wives and adding three hundred concubines to his retinue (1 Kings 11:3). Following him, Solomon’s son Rehoboam had eighteen wives and sixty concubines (2 Chronicles 11:21).
iii. Another pattern is the family division and sibling rivalry present in every generation. David has some problems with his older brothers who don’t think much of him (1 Samuel 16-17). Absalom, one of his sons, murders one of his brothers, Ammon as revenge for raping his sister Tamar. Later Absalom rebels against his own father and goes out in pursuit of him but is tragically killed by one of David’s generals. Rehoboam, Solomon’s son, continues this pattern of rebellion and disobedience to God so Israel is divided into two with ten tribes to the north and two to the south. Eventually both separate kingdoms are conquered by surrounding nations and the people either taken captive or scattered.
This knowledge of family history through the use of Genograms is very important, as Scazzero writes, because “sin is passed on from generation to generation. God allows this story to be recorded to sober us to take a deep, hard look inside (cf. 1 Corinthians 10:6). The implication for church life is clear: It is impossible to help people break free from their past apart from understanding the families in which they grew up. Unless people grasp the power of the past on who they are in the present, they will inevitably replicate those patterns in relationships inside and outside the church.”
Prayer: Father, may we learn from our past so we don’t repeat with our children mistakes and sins that will continue to be transmitted for many more generations in the future.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Check Out the Family
Scripture: And he walked in the way of the kings of Israel, just as the house of Ahab had done, for the daughter of Ahab was his wife; and he did evil in the sight of the LORD. (2 Ki 8:18 NKJV)
Observation: Jehoram was the king of Judah and he had married the daughter of King Ahab. Evidently his influence had affected his daughter and as she married Jehoram it also affected him so that he did evil in the sight of the Lord. Unfortunately Jehoram’s godly father had less of an influence on him than his ungodly wife did. The daughter of Ahab, whom Jehoram married as part of Jehoshaphat’s treaty with Ahab, was Athaliah, through whose influence Jehoram introduced the worship of Baal and many other evils into the kingdom of Judah (see 2Ch 21:2–20).
Application: As I work with couples preparing for marriage, I recommend, among many other things, that you Take Your Time.
While preparing for marriage, make sure you have spent enough time in preparation. As Shakespeare wrote in King Henry, “A hasty marriage seldom proveth well.” It takes time to know another person well enough to decide to spend your life with them. Proverbs 21:5 says it well, “The plans of the diligent and informed will lead to abundance, but every one who is hasty will only come to want and ruin.” A wedding is a one-day event, but a marriage is a lifetime commitment. Take the time necessary to learn everything you can about the person with whom you plan to spend a lifetime.
As a couple, they should focus on two key areas when taking their time to get to know one another.
1. Get to Know the Other Person’s Family.
Perhaps you have made the mistake of thinking the other person’s extended family doesn’t matter. The fact is we don’t marry one person; we marry, or join ourselves to, the entire family.
You must meet the potential in-laws and other family members and spend time getting to know them. Observe how they interact with each other. An old adage fits very well here: An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. This family reared your potential mate, so you need to know who they are and what they believe. Only time can provide answers to the following questions, which you must answer.
• Do you know for certain his/her family’s values or habits?
• Is there a spiritual focus of the family? If so, what is it?
• What do they enjoy doing? What are their hobbies and interests?
• How do they handle conflict? How is conflict resolved?
• What is the financial philosophy of the family? Is money important? Is it too important? Did the parents train him/her to be financially responsible?
• How would they react should you choose to marry their son/daughter?
• What kind of in-laws would they be? Uninvolved? Obtrusive? Supportive?
• What was the parenting style of his/her parents? Strict? Flexible? Were they too permissive as parents?
• What kind of influence would they have on your children?
2. Get to Know as Much as Possible about him/her.
It will take time to see how the person with whom you are considering marriage handles conflict, jealousy, or failure. Ask any married couple and they will tell you that even when you think you know your spouse there are still many surprises after you are married.
Ideally it’s beneficial to see a potential marriage partner in every kind of situation before marriage. To do that will take some time, but its time well invested. You must observe how he/she reacts in anger, under stressful situations, and in difficult times. It’s wise and necessary preparation for a successful marriage to learn about the other person’s needs, likes, dislikes,
quirks, habits, particular weaknesses, and strengths.
When is the person not right for marriage? We have included some relational warning signs. Some of these characteristics are only revealed over time.
• Is often caught lying.
• Tends to blame others for everything.
• Is cruel to the innocent and weak. This person may be racist.
• Is controlling. Checks up to see where you go, who you are with, etc. Interrogates you if you’re late or not home. Insists you get permission from him/her before you go anywhere, etc. Handles all the money.
• Attempts to isolate you from your family or friends. Doesn’t want you meeting other people – says he/she is protecting you from people who are not good for you.
• Is extremely jealous. Shows up unexpectedly, checks your phone, even your car mileage. Gets angry if you spend time with anyone other than him/her.
• Quickly says he/she loves you and pushes for serious involvement. Immediately wants an exclusive commitment from you.
• Becomes moody and hypersensitive. Is easily offended. You find yourself constantly apologizing for hurting her/his feelings.
• Verbally berates or attacks you, curses often, is critical, hurtful, or degrading.
• Pressures you for sex. Tries to make up with sex.
• Is repentant but blames for you for his/her actions
• Has pushed, shoved, slapped, or become otherwise physically violent with you.
If any of these characteristics are apparent run, and run fast! The person is not marriage material.
Prayer: Father, as people prepare for their marriage, may they take the time to prepare for this lifetime commitment and may the have their eyes wide open to any concerns they may have about each other and each other’s family. And if it is indeed in your will that they be joined in holy wedlock, may theirs be a life lasting and fulfilling experience.
Observation: Jehoram was the king of Judah and he had married the daughter of King Ahab. Evidently his influence had affected his daughter and as she married Jehoram it also affected him so that he did evil in the sight of the Lord. Unfortunately Jehoram’s godly father had less of an influence on him than his ungodly wife did. The daughter of Ahab, whom Jehoram married as part of Jehoshaphat’s treaty with Ahab, was Athaliah, through whose influence Jehoram introduced the worship of Baal and many other evils into the kingdom of Judah (see 2Ch 21:2–20).
Application: As I work with couples preparing for marriage, I recommend, among many other things, that you Take Your Time.
While preparing for marriage, make sure you have spent enough time in preparation. As Shakespeare wrote in King Henry, “A hasty marriage seldom proveth well.” It takes time to know another person well enough to decide to spend your life with them. Proverbs 21:5 says it well, “The plans of the diligent and informed will lead to abundance, but every one who is hasty will only come to want and ruin.” A wedding is a one-day event, but a marriage is a lifetime commitment. Take the time necessary to learn everything you can about the person with whom you plan to spend a lifetime.
As a couple, they should focus on two key areas when taking their time to get to know one another.
1. Get to Know the Other Person’s Family.
Perhaps you have made the mistake of thinking the other person’s extended family doesn’t matter. The fact is we don’t marry one person; we marry, or join ourselves to, the entire family.
You must meet the potential in-laws and other family members and spend time getting to know them. Observe how they interact with each other. An old adage fits very well here: An apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. This family reared your potential mate, so you need to know who they are and what they believe. Only time can provide answers to the following questions, which you must answer.
• Do you know for certain his/her family’s values or habits?
• Is there a spiritual focus of the family? If so, what is it?
• What do they enjoy doing? What are their hobbies and interests?
• How do they handle conflict? How is conflict resolved?
• What is the financial philosophy of the family? Is money important? Is it too important? Did the parents train him/her to be financially responsible?
• How would they react should you choose to marry their son/daughter?
• What kind of in-laws would they be? Uninvolved? Obtrusive? Supportive?
• What was the parenting style of his/her parents? Strict? Flexible? Were they too permissive as parents?
• What kind of influence would they have on your children?
2. Get to Know as Much as Possible about him/her.
It will take time to see how the person with whom you are considering marriage handles conflict, jealousy, or failure. Ask any married couple and they will tell you that even when you think you know your spouse there are still many surprises after you are married.
Ideally it’s beneficial to see a potential marriage partner in every kind of situation before marriage. To do that will take some time, but its time well invested. You must observe how he/she reacts in anger, under stressful situations, and in difficult times. It’s wise and necessary preparation for a successful marriage to learn about the other person’s needs, likes, dislikes,
quirks, habits, particular weaknesses, and strengths.
When is the person not right for marriage? We have included some relational warning signs. Some of these characteristics are only revealed over time.
• Is often caught lying.
• Tends to blame others for everything.
• Is cruel to the innocent and weak. This person may be racist.
• Is controlling. Checks up to see where you go, who you are with, etc. Interrogates you if you’re late or not home. Insists you get permission from him/her before you go anywhere, etc. Handles all the money.
• Attempts to isolate you from your family or friends. Doesn’t want you meeting other people – says he/she is protecting you from people who are not good for you.
• Is extremely jealous. Shows up unexpectedly, checks your phone, even your car mileage. Gets angry if you spend time with anyone other than him/her.
• Quickly says he/she loves you and pushes for serious involvement. Immediately wants an exclusive commitment from you.
• Becomes moody and hypersensitive. Is easily offended. You find yourself constantly apologizing for hurting her/his feelings.
• Verbally berates or attacks you, curses often, is critical, hurtful, or degrading.
• Pressures you for sex. Tries to make up with sex.
• Is repentant but blames for you for his/her actions
• Has pushed, shoved, slapped, or become otherwise physically violent with you.
If any of these characteristics are apparent run, and run fast! The person is not marriage material.
Prayer: Father, as people prepare for their marriage, may they take the time to prepare for this lifetime commitment and may the have their eyes wide open to any concerns they may have about each other and each other’s family. And if it is indeed in your will that they be joined in holy wedlock, may theirs be a life lasting and fulfilling experience.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Spiritual CPR
Scripture: He returned and walked back and forth in the house, and again went up and stretched himself out on him; then the child sneezed seven times, and the child opened his eyes. (2 Ki 4:35 NKJV)
Observation: A prominent woman of Shunem had cared for Elisha and had her husband build him a room in their house where he could rest when he was passing by. In response to her kindness, Elisha asked God to bless her with a child. When the child was still young, he suddenly got sick and died in his mother’s arms. She went to find Elisha hoping for a miracle. Elisha came, prayed, laid on the child, and finally the child came back to life. This seems like a strange ritual to perform; here are some possible ideas as to why Elisha did what he did. Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary explains:
(1.) How closely the prophet applied himself to this great operation, perhaps being sensible that he had tempted God too much in thinking to effect it by the staff in Gehazi’s hand, for which he thought himself rebuked by the disappointment. He now found it a harder task than he then thought, and therefore addressed himself to it with great solemnity. [1.] He prayed unto the Lord (v. 33), probably as Elijah had done, Let this child’s soul come into him again. Christ raised the dead to life as one having authority—Damsel, arise—young man, I say unto thee, Arise—Lazarus, come forth (for he was powerful and faithful as a Son, the Lord of life), but Elijah and Elisha did it by petition, as servants. [2.] He lay upon the child (v. 34), as if he would communicate to him some of his vital heat or spirits. Thus he expressed the earnestness of his desire, and gave a sign of that divine power which he depended upon for the accomplishment of this great work. He first put his mouth to the child’s mouth, as if, in God’s name, he would breathe into him the breath of life; then his eyes to the child’s eyes, to open them again to the light of life; then his hands to the child’s hands, to put strength into them. He then returned, and walked in the house, as one full of care and concern, and wholly intent upon what he was about. Then he went up stairs again, and the second time, stretched himself upon the child, v. 35. Those that would be instrumental in conveying spiritual life to dead souls must thus affect themselves with their case, and accommodate themselves to it, and labour fervently in prayer for them.
(2.) How gradually the operation was performed. At the first application, the flesh of the child waxed warm (v. 34), which gave the prophet encouragement to continue instant in prayer. After a while, the child sneezed seven times, which was an indication, not only of life, but liveliness. Some have reported it as an ancient tradition that when God breathed into Adam the breath of life the first evidence of his being alive was sneezing, which gave rise to the usage of paying respect to those that sneeze. Some observe here that sneezing clears the head, and there lay the child’s distemper.
Application: This mother did all in her power for her child, and then left the results to God Himself. It may not be the same with every parent, after all, many children die and don’t come to life right away, when their parents would want them back. The promise of the resurrection reminds us that one day, when Jesus returns, parents will be reunited with their children in the most joyful family reunion ever. I have always loved these words which describe the resurrection morning: “The living righteous are changed ‘in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.’ At the voice of God they were glorified; now they are made immortal and with the risen saints are caught up to meet their Lord in the air. Angels ‘gather together His elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.’ Little children are borne by holy angels to their mothers' arms. Friends long separated by death are united, nevermore to part, and with songs of gladness ascend together to the City of God. {Ellen White, The Great Controversy, p.645} [emphasis mine].
So while we may not have a prophet today who has the power to bring our children back to life, we do have this scene in which we will be reunited with our children who have died before us. May we never have to go through the pain and separation that death brings about, but if we do, may we hold on to this scene and its promise – eternity with our children with no more death ever!
Prayer: Father, while the pain caused by the death of a child is so overwhelming, it is the promise of the resurrection which can make it bearable. I pray Father for that day to come soon and that we all may enjoy that awesome family reunion with our loved ones.
Observation: A prominent woman of Shunem had cared for Elisha and had her husband build him a room in their house where he could rest when he was passing by. In response to her kindness, Elisha asked God to bless her with a child. When the child was still young, he suddenly got sick and died in his mother’s arms. She went to find Elisha hoping for a miracle. Elisha came, prayed, laid on the child, and finally the child came back to life. This seems like a strange ritual to perform; here are some possible ideas as to why Elisha did what he did. Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary explains:
(1.) How closely the prophet applied himself to this great operation, perhaps being sensible that he had tempted God too much in thinking to effect it by the staff in Gehazi’s hand, for which he thought himself rebuked by the disappointment. He now found it a harder task than he then thought, and therefore addressed himself to it with great solemnity. [1.] He prayed unto the Lord (v. 33), probably as Elijah had done, Let this child’s soul come into him again. Christ raised the dead to life as one having authority—Damsel, arise—young man, I say unto thee, Arise—Lazarus, come forth (for he was powerful and faithful as a Son, the Lord of life), but Elijah and Elisha did it by petition, as servants. [2.] He lay upon the child (v. 34), as if he would communicate to him some of his vital heat or spirits. Thus he expressed the earnestness of his desire, and gave a sign of that divine power which he depended upon for the accomplishment of this great work. He first put his mouth to the child’s mouth, as if, in God’s name, he would breathe into him the breath of life; then his eyes to the child’s eyes, to open them again to the light of life; then his hands to the child’s hands, to put strength into them. He then returned, and walked in the house, as one full of care and concern, and wholly intent upon what he was about. Then he went up stairs again, and the second time, stretched himself upon the child, v. 35. Those that would be instrumental in conveying spiritual life to dead souls must thus affect themselves with their case, and accommodate themselves to it, and labour fervently in prayer for them.
(2.) How gradually the operation was performed. At the first application, the flesh of the child waxed warm (v. 34), which gave the prophet encouragement to continue instant in prayer. After a while, the child sneezed seven times, which was an indication, not only of life, but liveliness. Some have reported it as an ancient tradition that when God breathed into Adam the breath of life the first evidence of his being alive was sneezing, which gave rise to the usage of paying respect to those that sneeze. Some observe here that sneezing clears the head, and there lay the child’s distemper.
Application: This mother did all in her power for her child, and then left the results to God Himself. It may not be the same with every parent, after all, many children die and don’t come to life right away, when their parents would want them back. The promise of the resurrection reminds us that one day, when Jesus returns, parents will be reunited with their children in the most joyful family reunion ever. I have always loved these words which describe the resurrection morning: “The living righteous are changed ‘in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye.’ At the voice of God they were glorified; now they are made immortal and with the risen saints are caught up to meet their Lord in the air. Angels ‘gather together His elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.’ Little children are borne by holy angels to their mothers' arms. Friends long separated by death are united, nevermore to part, and with songs of gladness ascend together to the City of God. {Ellen White, The Great Controversy, p.645} [emphasis mine].
So while we may not have a prophet today who has the power to bring our children back to life, we do have this scene in which we will be reunited with our children who have died before us. May we never have to go through the pain and separation that death brings about, but if we do, may we hold on to this scene and its promise – eternity with our children with no more death ever!
Prayer: Father, while the pain caused by the death of a child is so overwhelming, it is the promise of the resurrection which can make it bearable. I pray Father for that day to come soon and that we all may enjoy that awesome family reunion with our loved ones.
Friday, April 24, 2009
The Pouting Adult and the Enabler
Scripture: So Ahab went into his house sullen and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him; for he had said, "I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers." And he lay down on his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no food. 5But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said to him, "Why is your spirit so sullen that you eat no food?" 6He said to her, "Because I spoke to Naboth the Jezreelite, and said to him, 'Give me your vineyard for money; or else, if it pleases you, I will give you another vineyard for it.' And he answered, 'I will not give you my vineyard.'" 7Then Jezebel his wife said to him, "You now exercise authority over Israel! Arise, eat food, and let your heart be cheerful; I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite."
Observation: Ahab, the King of Samaria, wanted to have the vineyard which was next to his palace and which belonged to a man named Naboth. But Naboth wanted to keep it because it had belonged to his family and wanted it to remain so. Ahab was very upset and went into his room, got in bed, and would not eat.
When Jezebel, Ahab’s wife, asked him for his behavior, and Ahab told her, she told him to eat and be happy because she would get him Naboth’s vineyard. She then wrote letters on Ahab’s behalf to have Naboth falsely accused of cursing God and the king, for which he was stoned. She then presented Naboth’s vineyard to Ahab.
Application: If it were not so tragic, this story is almost comical. An adult, Ahab, pouting like a child because he couldn’t have someone else’s toy, or vineyard. We can almost imagine Ahab sulking, furrowed brow, hungry but refusing to eat, maybe even crying – the normal reactions of a child who’s not getting his way, but certainly not the reactions of a mature adult.
On the other hand we have Jezebel, an evil, wicked woman, but also an enabler of her husbands immaturity, selfishness, and childish behavior. It was convenient for her, however, to keep him that way because then she could control him in other ways, like by furthering the worship of Baal in Israel unopposed by her husband.
Sometime ago I heard of a guest psychologist that Oprah had on her show – the topic was on marital relationships – in which this doctor said something to the effect that women who treat their husbands like children eventually stop finding them undesirable because a woman wants a man and not a child as their husband. There are women who seem to enjoy being in charge at home and being the ones to tell their husbands what to do, and when, and how. They treat them as a mother would treat a young child. In more ways than one they are emasculated by not being allowed to “wear the pants” in the family. But these very women, eventually don’t find their man sexually attractive and don’t realize that they’re the ones who have turned them into less than a man.
If a man is to grow up, so he doesn’t pout like a child when confronted with challenges and difficulties, he needs a supportive spouse, not one who will enable his moodiness. God designed woman to be a help-meet, not above nor below man. The best help a woman can give her husband is to believe in him, encourage him, and express appreciation and admiration for him.
Prayer: Father, may we be true help-meets to our spouse so that they will grow and mature as they help us grow and mature.
Observation: Ahab, the King of Samaria, wanted to have the vineyard which was next to his palace and which belonged to a man named Naboth. But Naboth wanted to keep it because it had belonged to his family and wanted it to remain so. Ahab was very upset and went into his room, got in bed, and would not eat.
When Jezebel, Ahab’s wife, asked him for his behavior, and Ahab told her, she told him to eat and be happy because she would get him Naboth’s vineyard. She then wrote letters on Ahab’s behalf to have Naboth falsely accused of cursing God and the king, for which he was stoned. She then presented Naboth’s vineyard to Ahab.
Application: If it were not so tragic, this story is almost comical. An adult, Ahab, pouting like a child because he couldn’t have someone else’s toy, or vineyard. We can almost imagine Ahab sulking, furrowed brow, hungry but refusing to eat, maybe even crying – the normal reactions of a child who’s not getting his way, but certainly not the reactions of a mature adult.
On the other hand we have Jezebel, an evil, wicked woman, but also an enabler of her husbands immaturity, selfishness, and childish behavior. It was convenient for her, however, to keep him that way because then she could control him in other ways, like by furthering the worship of Baal in Israel unopposed by her husband.
Sometime ago I heard of a guest psychologist that Oprah had on her show – the topic was on marital relationships – in which this doctor said something to the effect that women who treat their husbands like children eventually stop finding them undesirable because a woman wants a man and not a child as their husband. There are women who seem to enjoy being in charge at home and being the ones to tell their husbands what to do, and when, and how. They treat them as a mother would treat a young child. In more ways than one they are emasculated by not being allowed to “wear the pants” in the family. But these very women, eventually don’t find their man sexually attractive and don’t realize that they’re the ones who have turned them into less than a man.
If a man is to grow up, so he doesn’t pout like a child when confronted with challenges and difficulties, he needs a supportive spouse, not one who will enable his moodiness. God designed woman to be a help-meet, not above nor below man. The best help a woman can give her husband is to believe in him, encourage him, and express appreciation and admiration for him.
Prayer: Father, may we be true help-meets to our spouse so that they will grow and mature as they help us grow and mature.
Monday, April 20, 2009
A Powerful Relationship
Scripture: “You shall not intermarry with them, nor they with you. Surely they will turn away your hearts after their gods." Solomon clung to these in love. (1 Ki 11:2 NKJV)
Observation: Solomon, as wise as he was, married hundreds of women, many of who were from the people God had forbidden Israel to have any relationship with. It was these women who led him to commit idolatry, the sin for which Solomon’s children lost the kingdom God had give to David.
Application: As we read of the lives of David and Solomon, both had several things in common: Both were chosen to be kings of Israel, both were prophets, both were inspired, both did many good things for God and for his people, both had multiple wives. But where they were different was that David remained loyal to God while Solomon worshiped the idols that his wives brought with them from their own countries. Without going too deep into the implications, I think we can safely draw a few conclusions:
1. God knows the danger of entering into a marital relationship with someone of a different faith and forbids it. While many Adventists have led their spouses to God and to the church, the number of Adventists who have left the church because of their spouses is alarming. Marriage is such a powerful emotional relationship that some people may be driven away from God by their spouse. From the very beginning we observe the power of this relationship when Eve led Adam to sin by eating of the forbidden fruit. Adam could not see himself with Eve and chose to die with her rather tha live without her not trusting that God would do what’s best for him.
2. Adultery must not be the worst of all sins. While we would not condone adultery at any time, at the same time we should not make it the worse of all sins and shun people who commit adultery. In David’s case, not only did he commit adultery but tried to cover it with murder, and yet God said of David that he was a man after His own heart. Solomon had multiple wives, and yet God blessed him with great wisdom.
3. What God DOES take great offense at is idolatry – turning away from Him to worship other gods.
Again, we do not wish to excuse adultery in any way, shape, or form. We do discourage marrying someone of a different faith. We must never turn from God to worship idols, whatever and whoever they may be.
Prayer: Father, may we always worship You and never idols, may we always be faithful to You and to our spouse, and may Your love always cover us.
Observation: Solomon, as wise as he was, married hundreds of women, many of who were from the people God had forbidden Israel to have any relationship with. It was these women who led him to commit idolatry, the sin for which Solomon’s children lost the kingdom God had give to David.
Application: As we read of the lives of David and Solomon, both had several things in common: Both were chosen to be kings of Israel, both were prophets, both were inspired, both did many good things for God and for his people, both had multiple wives. But where they were different was that David remained loyal to God while Solomon worshiped the idols that his wives brought with them from their own countries. Without going too deep into the implications, I think we can safely draw a few conclusions:
1. God knows the danger of entering into a marital relationship with someone of a different faith and forbids it. While many Adventists have led their spouses to God and to the church, the number of Adventists who have left the church because of their spouses is alarming. Marriage is such a powerful emotional relationship that some people may be driven away from God by their spouse. From the very beginning we observe the power of this relationship when Eve led Adam to sin by eating of the forbidden fruit. Adam could not see himself with Eve and chose to die with her rather tha live without her not trusting that God would do what’s best for him.
2. Adultery must not be the worst of all sins. While we would not condone adultery at any time, at the same time we should not make it the worse of all sins and shun people who commit adultery. In David’s case, not only did he commit adultery but tried to cover it with murder, and yet God said of David that he was a man after His own heart. Solomon had multiple wives, and yet God blessed him with great wisdom.
3. What God DOES take great offense at is idolatry – turning away from Him to worship other gods.
Again, we do not wish to excuse adultery in any way, shape, or form. We do discourage marrying someone of a different faith. We must never turn from God to worship idols, whatever and whoever they may be.
Prayer: Father, may we always worship You and never idols, may we always be faithful to You and to our spouse, and may Your love always cover us.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Honor Your Mother
Scripture: Bathsheba therefore went to King Solomon, to speak to him for Adonijah. And the king rose up to meet her and bowed down to her, and sat down on his throne and had a throne set for the king's mother; so she sat at his right hand. (1 Ki 2:19 NKJV)
Observation: Bathsheba, Solomon’s mother, came before the king to speak on behalf of his half-brother Adonijah. With the respect she deserved, Solomon rose from his throne and not only honored her by having a throne for her, but before all the people watching, the king bowed to the ground before her.
Application: There’s an age, the early teens or even pre-teens, when some children, boys in particular, seem uncomfortable being seen with their parents for fear that their friends may make fun of them. It’s not that boys are embarrassed of their mom, it’s just that they don’t want to be called “momma’s boy” by their peers.
I guess I skipped that stage, had friends who didn’t make fun of me, or simply didn’t care, but for me it was a matter of joy and pride to be seen or to be with my parents and live with no regrets because I loved and cared for my mother for the last seven years of her life while she lived with us. This respect is not only one of God’s commandments, it is their due for the love, care, and sacrifices on our behalf.
Prayer: Father, thank You for our loving parents and for the opportunity You give us to show them our love and respect. May we take advantage of the opportunities You give us to take good, loving care of them.
Observation: Bathsheba, Solomon’s mother, came before the king to speak on behalf of his half-brother Adonijah. With the respect she deserved, Solomon rose from his throne and not only honored her by having a throne for her, but before all the people watching, the king bowed to the ground before her.
Application: There’s an age, the early teens or even pre-teens, when some children, boys in particular, seem uncomfortable being seen with their parents for fear that their friends may make fun of them. It’s not that boys are embarrassed of their mom, it’s just that they don’t want to be called “momma’s boy” by their peers.
I guess I skipped that stage, had friends who didn’t make fun of me, or simply didn’t care, but for me it was a matter of joy and pride to be seen or to be with my parents and live with no regrets because I loved and cared for my mother for the last seven years of her life while she lived with us. This respect is not only one of God’s commandments, it is their due for the love, care, and sacrifices on our behalf.
Prayer: Father, thank You for our loving parents and for the opportunity You give us to show them our love and respect. May we take advantage of the opportunities You give us to take good, loving care of them.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Mom's Love
Scripture: Then she said to him, "My lord, you swore by the LORD your God to your maidservant, saying, 'Assuredly Solomon your son shall reign after me, and he shall sit on my throne.' (1 Ki 1:17 NKJV)
Observation: Absalom’s brother, Adonijah, decided to make himself king of Israel since his father David was old and getting closer to his death. Bathsheba, mother of Solomon, asked David to fulfill his promise to her to elevate Solomon to the throne which is indeed what David did, not just to respond to her request but also following God’s plan and will for David and his family.
Application: Second only to the love God has for us is the love that mothers have for their children. In fact, that love is so special that God uses it as illustrations of his love for us in various places in the Scriptures.
Among the Jewish people, the love of mothers for their children is legendary and is credited for the great success of so many of them. They joke about the mothers who while holding their babies in arms or when they’re still small children they introduce them as, “this my Aaron, the doctor,” or “this is my David, the lawyer,” and when they leave for school they make sure their children have their books while other mothers may be more concerned as to whether their children have their lunch or are properly clothed to go outside. In the gospels, John and James’ mother asked Jesus for a special place for her sons, next to Jesus. As upset as the other disciples were, we sometimes are annoyed with mothers who are too proud of their children and would like for the rest of us to admire their children. If they wish to be proud of their kids they have ever right to do so, but not try to force them on us.
As a father who loves his daughters dearly, it may sound “unfair” that the love of fathers is not shown as prominently as that of mothers. But the reality is that carrying a child inside for the months of pregnancy makes those children much more a part of them than they are of the fathers. But it doesn’t mean we as fathers cannot develop a strong bond with our children. I am blessed to have a very close, strong relationship with my daughters and we enjoy spending time together. But I also recognize that there are many things where they and their mother have a stronger bond – like shopping, or talking about clothes. Some time ago I heard that James Dobson, the famous Christian psychologist, claims that the most strained relationship today is that between men and their sons. Since I don’t have sons I don’t know why that may be, but we as parents should still try to maintain and nourish close, strong bonds with our children.
Prayer: Father, thank you for our children and for the good relationship we enjoy with them. May those bonds be strengthened each day. And bless us, when our relationships are strained, and bring healing to them.
Observation: Absalom’s brother, Adonijah, decided to make himself king of Israel since his father David was old and getting closer to his death. Bathsheba, mother of Solomon, asked David to fulfill his promise to her to elevate Solomon to the throne which is indeed what David did, not just to respond to her request but also following God’s plan and will for David and his family.
Application: Second only to the love God has for us is the love that mothers have for their children. In fact, that love is so special that God uses it as illustrations of his love for us in various places in the Scriptures.
Among the Jewish people, the love of mothers for their children is legendary and is credited for the great success of so many of them. They joke about the mothers who while holding their babies in arms or when they’re still small children they introduce them as, “this my Aaron, the doctor,” or “this is my David, the lawyer,” and when they leave for school they make sure their children have their books while other mothers may be more concerned as to whether their children have their lunch or are properly clothed to go outside. In the gospels, John and James’ mother asked Jesus for a special place for her sons, next to Jesus. As upset as the other disciples were, we sometimes are annoyed with mothers who are too proud of their children and would like for the rest of us to admire their children. If they wish to be proud of their kids they have ever right to do so, but not try to force them on us.
As a father who loves his daughters dearly, it may sound “unfair” that the love of fathers is not shown as prominently as that of mothers. But the reality is that carrying a child inside for the months of pregnancy makes those children much more a part of them than they are of the fathers. But it doesn’t mean we as fathers cannot develop a strong bond with our children. I am blessed to have a very close, strong relationship with my daughters and we enjoy spending time together. But I also recognize that there are many things where they and their mother have a stronger bond – like shopping, or talking about clothes. Some time ago I heard that James Dobson, the famous Christian psychologist, claims that the most strained relationship today is that between men and their sons. Since I don’t have sons I don’t know why that may be, but we as parents should still try to maintain and nourish close, strong bonds with our children.
Prayer: Father, thank you for our children and for the good relationship we enjoy with them. May those bonds be strengthened each day. And bless us, when our relationships are strained, and bring healing to them.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
The Most Painful Death
Scripture: Then the king was deeply moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept. And as he went, he said thus: "O my son Absalom; my son, my son Absalom; if only I had died in your place! O Absalom my son, my son!" (2 Sam 18:33 NKJV)
Observation: Absalom had show his rebellious spirit when he killed his brother Amnon, albeit to avenge the rape of his sister at the hands of Amnon, and by sitting at the gate of the city in judgment as if he were the king. That spirit of rebellion ripened into a coup d’état against his own father, King David. But for Absalom it was not enough that he had routed his father, he wanted to destroy him completely, so he pursued him as David fled. Among the things for which Absalom was known was a head full of long, thick hair. While pursuing David, Absalom ran under the thick boughs of a terebinth tree, his hair got caught in them and he was left hanging in mid air exposed to the enemy. Joab, David’s general, came and killed him there.
Joab sent news to David of Absalom’s death, and today’s text tell us of his reaction to the news. And while Israel could have been celebrating the victory and the fact David could now return to Jerusalem, they all felt awkward by seeing the king mourning. Joab chastised the king for not affirming the troops which protected him and who won this victory over those who were pursuing him.
Application: I have been told by those going through it that there is no more painful death than the death of a son or daughter, regardless of their age. I remember being at the hospital with the mother of a stillborn child and a few months later in another room nearby with the parents of a three-year-old. As a police chaplain I had to give a family the news of the tragic death on a motorcycle of their seventeen-year-old son and have officiated at the funeral of a forty-five year-old daughter who died of cancer. During times like these and many others like them, the parents have told me again and again how that the death of their parents or a sibling or a dear friend was painful but their pain at losing a child was so much worse, almost unbearable. Even if their son or daughter had left the fold, like Absalom, their death was nonetheless sad for their parents.
It seems like the right order of events should always be that as you get older and your parents age by the time they die you are old enough to accept it as a natural part of life. I lost my dad when I was fifteen years old and my mom when I was 42 years old, and their deaths affected me in different ways. At any rate, it is expected that at some point in time your parents will pass on. But your child will always be younger than you and thus you don’t expect to have them die before you; it is not the normal way of life. For Adam and Eve, the murder of their son Abel, particularly at the hand of his brother Cain, must have been horrible. For David the death of his first son with bathsheba and not of Absalom was most painful. For God the death of His Son Jesus must have been most difficult. And yet, he experiences the death of so many of His children every single day! That’s why during the difficult, painful days following the death of a child we can find comfort in Him who truly knows what it is like to loose a child. And with God, it’s not just the He understands, but somehow He also brings the healing we need.
Prayer: Father, I pray none of us ever experience the death of one of our children; bless them and protect them. For those who have, bless them and comfort them, and may Your comforting, loving arms surround them during their time of mourning until healing comes.
Observation: Absalom had show his rebellious spirit when he killed his brother Amnon, albeit to avenge the rape of his sister at the hands of Amnon, and by sitting at the gate of the city in judgment as if he were the king. That spirit of rebellion ripened into a coup d’état against his own father, King David. But for Absalom it was not enough that he had routed his father, he wanted to destroy him completely, so he pursued him as David fled. Among the things for which Absalom was known was a head full of long, thick hair. While pursuing David, Absalom ran under the thick boughs of a terebinth tree, his hair got caught in them and he was left hanging in mid air exposed to the enemy. Joab, David’s general, came and killed him there.
Joab sent news to David of Absalom’s death, and today’s text tell us of his reaction to the news. And while Israel could have been celebrating the victory and the fact David could now return to Jerusalem, they all felt awkward by seeing the king mourning. Joab chastised the king for not affirming the troops which protected him and who won this victory over those who were pursuing him.
Application: I have been told by those going through it that there is no more painful death than the death of a son or daughter, regardless of their age. I remember being at the hospital with the mother of a stillborn child and a few months later in another room nearby with the parents of a three-year-old. As a police chaplain I had to give a family the news of the tragic death on a motorcycle of their seventeen-year-old son and have officiated at the funeral of a forty-five year-old daughter who died of cancer. During times like these and many others like them, the parents have told me again and again how that the death of their parents or a sibling or a dear friend was painful but their pain at losing a child was so much worse, almost unbearable. Even if their son or daughter had left the fold, like Absalom, their death was nonetheless sad for their parents.
It seems like the right order of events should always be that as you get older and your parents age by the time they die you are old enough to accept it as a natural part of life. I lost my dad when I was fifteen years old and my mom when I was 42 years old, and their deaths affected me in different ways. At any rate, it is expected that at some point in time your parents will pass on. But your child will always be younger than you and thus you don’t expect to have them die before you; it is not the normal way of life. For Adam and Eve, the murder of their son Abel, particularly at the hand of his brother Cain, must have been horrible. For David the death of his first son with bathsheba and not of Absalom was most painful. For God the death of His Son Jesus must have been most difficult. And yet, he experiences the death of so many of His children every single day! That’s why during the difficult, painful days following the death of a child we can find comfort in Him who truly knows what it is like to loose a child. And with God, it’s not just the He understands, but somehow He also brings the healing we need.
Prayer: Father, I pray none of us ever experience the death of one of our children; bless them and protect them. For those who have, bless them and comfort them, and may Your comforting, loving arms surround them during their time of mourning until healing comes.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Reversal of Feelings - April 10, 2009
Scripture: (2 Sam 13:15 NKJV) Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, "Arise, be gone!"
Observation: Amnon, son of David, fell in love with his step-sister Tamar and plotted to have her come to his house under the pretense of being sick. While there, he forced her, maybe even raped her, but having accomplished his evil plot he despised her and rejected her altogether.
Application: I wish more single young people, teens and single young adults, would read this story and learn that it follows the pattern or most pre-marital relationships. I think this is particularly important for young ladies who surrender their virginity early with the desire to show their boyfriend their love, for fear they will loose them if they reject their advances, or in the hope they will keep them even while he pulls away from them. Those who believe in evolution would say that man is the hunter and when they have caught their prey they loose interest in them. Those of us who believe in God believe that once a woman has surrendered what is most sacred to her, men loose respect for them, and therefore they have no more interest in them. While young man think that having premarital sex will bring them closer together, more often than not it becomes an insurmountable barrier.
Several years ago there was an article in Time magazine about the report by the National Marriage Project, out of Rutgers University in New Jersey, which says that, “Cohabitating couples are more likely to experience a host of domestic problems — including, if they finally get marriage, divorce.
Last year in the U.S., more than 4 million unmarried heterosexual couples shacked up, in contrast to only half a million at the end of the supposedly free-spirited ‘60's. Though living together has become conventional, the report cites studies showing that these unions, in comparison to marriages, tend to have more episodes of domestic violence to women and physical and sexual abuse of children. It notes that annual rates of depression among unmarried couples are more than three times those of married couples.
The report contends that cohabitation reduces the likelihood of later wedded bliss. It quotes a 1992 study of 3,300 adults showing that those who had lived with a partner were 46% (it is now known to be 80%) more likely to divorce than those who had not. ‘The longer you cohabit, the more tolerant you are of divorce,’ says David Popenoe, the sociologist who co-wrote the study. ‘You are used to living in a low-commitment relationship, and it’s hard to shift that kind of mental pattern.’”
Premarital sex and premarital cohabitation do not benefit the relationship; instead, it will bring a host of problems, challenges, and difficulties including not marrying the person with whom they had intercourse or with whom they live, including abuse to them or their children, and ultimately divorce. God’s plan for sex after marriage is best and healthiest and provides the best chances for lasting happiness.
Prayer: Father, bless the young and single who are tempted to enter into relationships and practice premarital sex and help them to not fall into a sin which will bring about life-lasting difficulties and challenges. May they enjoy the best and healthiest of relationships before and after their wedding.
Observation: Amnon, son of David, fell in love with his step-sister Tamar and plotted to have her come to his house under the pretense of being sick. While there, he forced her, maybe even raped her, but having accomplished his evil plot he despised her and rejected her altogether.
Application: I wish more single young people, teens and single young adults, would read this story and learn that it follows the pattern or most pre-marital relationships. I think this is particularly important for young ladies who surrender their virginity early with the desire to show their boyfriend their love, for fear they will loose them if they reject their advances, or in the hope they will keep them even while he pulls away from them. Those who believe in evolution would say that man is the hunter and when they have caught their prey they loose interest in them. Those of us who believe in God believe that once a woman has surrendered what is most sacred to her, men loose respect for them, and therefore they have no more interest in them. While young man think that having premarital sex will bring them closer together, more often than not it becomes an insurmountable barrier.
Several years ago there was an article in Time magazine about the report by the National Marriage Project, out of Rutgers University in New Jersey, which says that, “Cohabitating couples are more likely to experience a host of domestic problems — including, if they finally get marriage, divorce.
Last year in the U.S., more than 4 million unmarried heterosexual couples shacked up, in contrast to only half a million at the end of the supposedly free-spirited ‘60's. Though living together has become conventional, the report cites studies showing that these unions, in comparison to marriages, tend to have more episodes of domestic violence to women and physical and sexual abuse of children. It notes that annual rates of depression among unmarried couples are more than three times those of married couples.
The report contends that cohabitation reduces the likelihood of later wedded bliss. It quotes a 1992 study of 3,300 adults showing that those who had lived with a partner were 46% (it is now known to be 80%) more likely to divorce than those who had not. ‘The longer you cohabit, the more tolerant you are of divorce,’ says David Popenoe, the sociologist who co-wrote the study. ‘You are used to living in a low-commitment relationship, and it’s hard to shift that kind of mental pattern.’”
Premarital sex and premarital cohabitation do not benefit the relationship; instead, it will bring a host of problems, challenges, and difficulties including not marrying the person with whom they had intercourse or with whom they live, including abuse to them or their children, and ultimately divorce. God’s plan for sex after marriage is best and healthiest and provides the best chances for lasting happiness.
Prayer: Father, bless the young and single who are tempted to enter into relationships and practice premarital sex and help them to not fall into a sin which will bring about life-lasting difficulties and challenges. May they enjoy the best and healthiest of relationships before and after their wedding.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
She Despised Him
Scripture: (2 Sam 6:16 NKJV) Now as the ark of the LORD came into the City of David, Michal, Saul's daughter, looked through a window and saw King David leaping and whirling before the LORD; and she despised him in her heart.
Observation: With dancing and rejoicing David celebrated the return of the ark of God to Jerusalem. From a distance, his wife Michal watching and thought it disgraceful that the king would act that way instead of being more dignified. She criticized him, David became defensive, and to the end of their life did not enjoy a good marital relationship.
Application: In the relationship between David and Michal we can see some of the dynamics that bring about the destruction of a Marriage. Willard Harley, author of such books as Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs, says that there are three states of Mind in Marriage. Michal and David exemplify the three states.
State # 1. INTIMACY
(1 Sam 18:20 NKJV) Now Michal, Saul's daughter, loved David. And they told Saul, and the thing pleased him.
David must have had feelings toward her, enough to go to war for her (1 Sam 18:27-28). Michael loved David enough to lie to protect him, even from her own father (1 Sam 19:11-18). Maybe the beginning of their downfall took place when Saul, her father, gave her in marriage to Paltiel, and maybe she learned to love her new husband (1 Sam 25:44).
State #2 - CONFLICT
John Gottman’s research suggests there are four ways of interacting that sabotage your attempts to communicate with your partner. One of what he calls The Four Horsemen of Marriages in Trouble is Criticism (illustrated in our text for today). Criticism involves attacking someone’s personality or character – rather than a specific behavior – usually with blame. Gottman also identified a second damaging way or horsemen which is contempt (also used by Michal in our text). Ellen White adds an interesting insight: “In the bitterness of her passion she could not await David's return to the palace, but went out to meet him, and to his kindly greeting poured forth a torrent of bitter words. Keen and cutting was the irony of her speech” {Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 708}. Michael couldn’t wait to pour cold water on David’s joy and enthusiasm and didn’t just criticized him for his actions but showed contempt for not behaving in a regal manner.
Gottman states that “what separates contempt from criticism is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. With your words and body language, you’re lobbing insults right into the heart of your partner’s sense of self. Fueling these contemptuous actions are negative thoughts about the partner – he or she is stupid, disgusting, incompetent, a fool.” You can almost hear Michal’s mocking tone and her twisted smile and the rolling of her eyes as she said to David, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!” (2 Samuel 6:20 NKJV)
David, on the other hand, used the third of Gottman’s horsemen, Defensiveness. His anger and dismay at the “welcome” he received from his wife turned into anger and a defensive attack: (2 Sam 6:21-22 NKJV) So David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me instead of your father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the LORD. {22} "And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor."
State #3 - WITHDRAWAL
While it is not directly stated, the last words of this story tells us their marriage fell apart. It is possible that David used the fourth of Gottman’s horsemen, Stonewalling, and simply tuned her out completely. Regardless, they reached the third state of marriage as described by Harley, the state of Withdrawal and their marriage simply continued as existing together, but there was no love between them: “Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death” (2 Sam. 6:23).
How different their life might have been! Maybe it all began with a poor relationship with his father-in-law. Maybe it was another relationship, Michal’s marriage to Paltiel, that damaged her love for her hsuband David. Maybe it was David’s marriages to Abigail and others that interfered with his love for Michal. Maybe it was not caring for their relationship and sabotaging it so that they moved down the slide from Intimacy through conflict to withdrawal. I guess the question is, do you see yourself somewhere along that continuum? Do you see yourself sabotaging your relationship by using any or several or all of the “horsemen”? Learning and understanding about your situation is one important step on the way to healing, but the next steps you take will determine whether your marriage declines and dies or survives and thrives. Seek help, ask for help, pray for help, call for help; not taking a positive action will mean letting your marriage drown in the sea of divorce.
Prayer: Father, may what happened to David and Michal never happen to us in our marriage. Help us to take any and all the steps necessary to see that our marriage not only survives but thrives.
Observation: With dancing and rejoicing David celebrated the return of the ark of God to Jerusalem. From a distance, his wife Michal watching and thought it disgraceful that the king would act that way instead of being more dignified. She criticized him, David became defensive, and to the end of their life did not enjoy a good marital relationship.
Application: In the relationship between David and Michal we can see some of the dynamics that bring about the destruction of a Marriage. Willard Harley, author of such books as Love Busters and His Needs, Her Needs, says that there are three states of Mind in Marriage. Michal and David exemplify the three states.
State # 1. INTIMACY
(1 Sam 18:20 NKJV) Now Michal, Saul's daughter, loved David. And they told Saul, and the thing pleased him.
David must have had feelings toward her, enough to go to war for her (1 Sam 18:27-28). Michael loved David enough to lie to protect him, even from her own father (1 Sam 19:11-18). Maybe the beginning of their downfall took place when Saul, her father, gave her in marriage to Paltiel, and maybe she learned to love her new husband (1 Sam 25:44).
State #2 - CONFLICT
John Gottman’s research suggests there are four ways of interacting that sabotage your attempts to communicate with your partner. One of what he calls The Four Horsemen of Marriages in Trouble is Criticism (illustrated in our text for today). Criticism involves attacking someone’s personality or character – rather than a specific behavior – usually with blame. Gottman also identified a second damaging way or horsemen which is contempt (also used by Michal in our text). Ellen White adds an interesting insight: “In the bitterness of her passion she could not await David's return to the palace, but went out to meet him, and to his kindly greeting poured forth a torrent of bitter words. Keen and cutting was the irony of her speech” {Patriarchs and Prophets, p. 708}. Michael couldn’t wait to pour cold water on David’s joy and enthusiasm and didn’t just criticized him for his actions but showed contempt for not behaving in a regal manner.
Gottman states that “what separates contempt from criticism is the intention to insult and psychologically abuse your partner. With your words and body language, you’re lobbing insults right into the heart of your partner’s sense of self. Fueling these contemptuous actions are negative thoughts about the partner – he or she is stupid, disgusting, incompetent, a fool.” You can almost hear Michal’s mocking tone and her twisted smile and the rolling of her eyes as she said to David, “How glorious was the king of Israel today, uncovering himself today in the eyes of the maids of his servants, as one of the base fellows shamelessly uncovers himself!” (2 Samuel 6:20 NKJV)
David, on the other hand, used the third of Gottman’s horsemen, Defensiveness. His anger and dismay at the “welcome” he received from his wife turned into anger and a defensive attack: (2 Sam 6:21-22 NKJV) So David said to Michal, "It was before the LORD, who chose me instead of your father and all his house, to appoint me ruler over the people of the LORD, over Israel. Therefore I will play music before the LORD. {22} "And I will be even more undignified than this, and will be humble in my own sight. But as for the maidservants of whom you have spoken, by them I will be held in honor."
State #3 - WITHDRAWAL
While it is not directly stated, the last words of this story tells us their marriage fell apart. It is possible that David used the fourth of Gottman’s horsemen, Stonewalling, and simply tuned her out completely. Regardless, they reached the third state of marriage as described by Harley, the state of Withdrawal and their marriage simply continued as existing together, but there was no love between them: “Therefore Michal the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death” (2 Sam. 6:23).
How different their life might have been! Maybe it all began with a poor relationship with his father-in-law. Maybe it was another relationship, Michal’s marriage to Paltiel, that damaged her love for her hsuband David. Maybe it was David’s marriages to Abigail and others that interfered with his love for Michal. Maybe it was not caring for their relationship and sabotaging it so that they moved down the slide from Intimacy through conflict to withdrawal. I guess the question is, do you see yourself somewhere along that continuum? Do you see yourself sabotaging your relationship by using any or several or all of the “horsemen”? Learning and understanding about your situation is one important step on the way to healing, but the next steps you take will determine whether your marriage declines and dies or survives and thrives. Seek help, ask for help, pray for help, call for help; not taking a positive action will mean letting your marriage drown in the sea of divorce.
Prayer: Father, may what happened to David and Michal never happen to us in our marriage. Help us to take any and all the steps necessary to see that our marriage not only survives but thrives.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Suicide Is Not Painless - April 6, 2009
Scripture: (1 Sam 31:4 NKJV) Then Saul said to his armorbearer, "Draw your sword, and thrust me through with it, lest these uncircumcised men come and thrust me through and abuse me." But his armorbearer would not, for he was greatly afraid. Therefore Saul took a sword and fell on it.
Observation: After the defeat before the Philistines and the death of his son Jonathan, Saul his situation as the fulfilment of the supposed seance with the late prophet Samuel. In the darkness of his soul, Saul could see no way out of his situation and asked his armor bearer to kill him. But when his armor bearer would not do it, Saul fell on his sword and took his own life.
Application: The first time I heard the lyrics of the movie and TV show M.A.S.H. I was shocked. The music is one of the best recognized and reminds us of a comedy based loosely on the real-life army hospital during the Korean War. But the lyrics, which were written for the movie, are shocking, and a horrible lie many have come to believe:
Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...
[REFRAIN]:
that suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...
[REFRAIN]
The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.
[REFRAIN]
The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat.
[REFRAIN]
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...
[REFRAIN]
A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be
and I replied 'oh why ask me?'
[REFRAIN]
'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you please.
My brother-in-law was a deputy sheriff in his early thirties when he took his own life with his service gun. Eight years later, his family still suffers the consequences of his actions and every year at the anniversary of his death everyone in the family remembers with deep sorrow his actions and the void he left. While the person taking his/her life may think suicide is quick and painless, the consequences to anyone who knows them are most painful and last a lifetime.
If you have thoughts of suicide, these options are available to you:
* Dial: 911
* Dial: 1-800-273-TALK
* Check yourself into the emergency room.
* Tell someone who can help you find help immediately.
* Stay away from things that might hurt you.
* Most people can be treated with a combination of antidepressant medication and psychotherapy.
If You Don't Have Insurance
The following options might be used:
* Go to the nearest hospital emergency room.
* Look in your local Yellow Pages under Mental Health and/or Suicide Prevention; then call the mental health organizations/crisis phone lines that are listed. There may be clinics or counseling centers in your area operating on a sliding or no-fee scale.
* Some pharmaceutical companies have "Free Medication Programs" for those who qualify. Visit the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill website at www.nami.org for more information.
Prayer: Father, life is precious and the actions we take not only affect us but affect everyone around us. Loving God, help us to never consider ending our life but rather to seek the help that is available to us through many sources and from You. Help us to always treasure life, as Your gift to us, and as Your gift through us to others.
Observation: After the defeat before the Philistines and the death of his son Jonathan, Saul his situation as the fulfilment of the supposed seance with the late prophet Samuel. In the darkness of his soul, Saul could see no way out of his situation and asked his armor bearer to kill him. But when his armor bearer would not do it, Saul fell on his sword and took his own life.
Application: The first time I heard the lyrics of the movie and TV show M.A.S.H. I was shocked. The music is one of the best recognized and reminds us of a comedy based loosely on the real-life army hospital during the Korean War. But the lyrics, which were written for the movie, are shocking, and a horrible lie many have come to believe:
Through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see...
[REFRAIN]:
that suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
I try to find a way to make
all our little joys relate
without that ever-present hate
but now I know that it's too late, and...
[REFRAIN]
The game of life is hard to play
I'm gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I'll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.
[REFRAIN]
The only way to win is cheat
And lay it down before I'm beat
and to another give my seat
for that's the only painless feat.
[REFRAIN]
The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn't hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger...watch it grin, but...
[REFRAIN]
A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
is it to be or not to be
and I replied 'oh why ask me?'
[REFRAIN]
'Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
...and you can do the same thing if you please.
My brother-in-law was a deputy sheriff in his early thirties when he took his own life with his service gun. Eight years later, his family still suffers the consequences of his actions and every year at the anniversary of his death everyone in the family remembers with deep sorrow his actions and the void he left. While the person taking his/her life may think suicide is quick and painless, the consequences to anyone who knows them are most painful and last a lifetime.
If you have thoughts of suicide, these options are available to you:
* Dial: 911
* Dial: 1-800-273-TALK
* Check yourself into the emergency room.
* Tell someone who can help you find help immediately.
* Stay away from things that might hurt you.
* Most people can be treated with a combination of antidepressant medication and psychotherapy.
If You Don't Have Insurance
The following options might be used:
* Go to the nearest hospital emergency room.
* Look in your local Yellow Pages under Mental Health and/or Suicide Prevention; then call the mental health organizations/crisis phone lines that are listed. There may be clinics or counseling centers in your area operating on a sliding or no-fee scale.
* Some pharmaceutical companies have "Free Medication Programs" for those who qualify. Visit the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill website at www.nami.org for more information.
Prayer: Father, life is precious and the actions we take not only affect us but affect everyone around us. Loving God, help us to never consider ending our life but rather to seek the help that is available to us through many sources and from You. Help us to always treasure life, as Your gift to us, and as Your gift through us to others.
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